No Method To My Madness

I don't get me.

I am not a neat-freak. No doubt about that. I've been home over 2 weeks and have yet to unpack my bags. I've just been digging through an open suitcase tossing items left and right until I find what I'm looking for.

When I get home in the evenings, everything just gets dropped at the door. My shoes, my purse, my pants usually get thrown against some distant wall, I've even forgotten the groceries at the door many times. Or, if I'm in an especially tidy mood, I'll just put the entire bag of groceries in the fridge. Bread, milk, canned goods... whatever. I'll deal with it later.

I just keep kicking things to the side to make a little path for me to walk. Though, now I'm out of room and my crap is impeding the flow of traffic on my path. Translation: I keep tripping over my own crap!

Today was my first day back at my elementary school. No classes to teach just yet. Today we just cleaned our office and classroom. After we were finished sweeping, dusting, etc my co-teachers went back to our office to pretend to be busy. I stayed in the classroom obsessively straightening the desks and chairs. Because, God forbid, things not be in a perfect line or at 90 degree angles!!

And I'm always like that. Everyday, every class. My kids still stare at me with a blank stare every morning when I ask, "How are you today?" But they definitely know what I'm saying when I point to them and say, "push in your chair." After class I walk around making sure all the chairs are pushed in equally. No one chair can be sticking out more than the others.

I never lose my keys. Ever. There is a specific place that they live and they never leave it. I can do nothing before my keys are in their designated spot. But my phone, wallet, purse, hell... even my pants, not telling where they are at any given moment.

I recently lost my pants. My pants!!! How in gods name, when you only have 3 pair to begin with, do you lose a pair of pants in a 600 square foot apartment? I tore the place apart looking for them. Only to find them folded in the closet. What little gnome snuck in and folded my pants?

I routinely find the remote in the fridge, makeup in the microwave, and Anastasia gave me crap about an empty pizza box I was too lazy to take down to the trash so I threw it in the fridge... where it lived for the next 5 months!

So how... how on earth can I be on both extremes of the tidiness spectrum? Being on one I can see, but both?

No wonder I don't bother with dating. Why waste time looking for someone who "gets you" when you yourself don't "get you." I've been living in this little head of mine for 28 years, and the stuff going on up there gets more ridiculous by the day!!!

Well, it's 4:30, time for me to leave school and head home.

Now, where the hell did I put my purse? ...