I'll Plan Ahead

...So that the next time, when I meet a guy in a bar, and he asks me out for coffee the next day, the only clean clothes I have won't be a t-shirt that says,

 "Cheap and cute but you get what you pay for."

Hmm.... 

Well, he should consider it fair warning!

Global Shopping Spree

In a conversation with my sister last night, I was reminded of just how different we truly are.

The topic of "china" entered the conversation. My mind immediately envisioned strapping on my backpack and trekking The Great Wall, hopping on and off crowded trains and sampling the unique culture and food

She was thinking more along the lines of picking up a laser scanner and trekking through Macy's trying to dodge the crowds while searching for the perfect pattern of Wedgwood on which to serve food.

Fashion Sense-less

I have received several comments from coworkers on how "cute" I look today. This makes me giggle. Mostly because to me, I look ridiculous!

I am no fashionista, most will attest to that, particularly my sister who has, on several occasions, literally pulled me back into the house while saying, "I'm not letting you leave the house looking like that!!"

On a good day, I'm a plain Jane, jeans and a t-shirt and I'm good to go.

During my vacation in America this past summer, I bought lots of clothes including several "Korean looking" dresses. Ah, what does "Korean looking" mean? In a nutshell it means ridiculous.

Here is a little input into the Korean world of fashion:

Men: pretty much in sync with what is going on in the US (sans anything in the hiphop or rap realm).

Women:
-It's a little bit 1st grade (Hello Kitty or Mickey Mouse is completely acceptable to have on your socks, purse, jeans,... anything)
-It's a little bit early 1990's (lots of busy floral patterns, floppy neck bows, lots of ruffles and frills, and all things bedazzled)
-It's a little bit "Little House On The Prairie"... Cleavage is a no-no (probably because there isn't any here!) so necklines rarely go past the collarbone and usually don't even go past the throat. They also keep their arms covered almost all the time. So from neck to wrist they are covered in trance inducing ruffly floral patterns... just add a bonnet and Young-jin could totally be Laura Ingles! Come to think of it, she derived her English name "Anne" from the book "Anne of Green Gables" which is pretty damn accurate. Well, if Young-jin is Laura Ingles then Min-jung is definitely Nelly Olsen!

and lastly...

-It's a little bit "potato sack meets street walker". Most of the clothes are shapeless sacks. Over sized, unflattering, and overpriced! (Not to mention mistranslated!) Though, I am a little bit envious of not being able to partake in this aspect of their fashion. Most single Korean women in their 20's are so damn thin that they can get away with wearing a burlap sack and still look smoking hot... and they do. Well, a floral ruffly burlap sack anyway.

And what these women lack in cleavage, they make up for in legs. And they work it!! Hard! In the US, the length of their skirts coupled with the height of their heels translates directly to hooker! Skirts so short I'm pretty sure they have to coordinate their bikini waxing with their outfits! And again, I'm envious. Not only because I don't have the legs to pull it off, but because I have a skirt handicap... it's called an ass!

Western women can't wear skirts that short. The extra volume from our butt causes our skirts to rise a few inches in the back. The more ass you have, the more it rides up in the back. So our skirts have to be long enough in the front to keep our cheeks covered in the back. Not the case with Korean women since the vast majority have no butts. Their legs go from toes to torso with not so much as the slightest bump of a bum to get in the way.

So today I wore one of my "Korean looking" dresses to work. It's a short, somewhat shapeless sleeveless dress. It has a checkered, almost plaid pattern with a big floppy collar and big blue buttons. It's navy, red, and tan and I wore black tights and a brown long sleeve shirt under it. (matching or even coordinating isn't something anyone here bothers to do so why should I?).

I was too damn lazy to wash my hair this morning so I took a few barrettes and clipped it all to the top of my head in a very "Sunday morning walk of shame" type of manner. Though my coworkers like when I wear my hair up because it shows off the "shape" of my head. Apparently to Koreans, I have a very desirable head shape.

So yeah, lots of compliments on how I look today. They say, "cute"... I say, "10 year old clown the morning after a 3 day meth bender".

But whatever, cultural difference I guess!

What Am I Doing?

Kim Dong Uk: What am I doing? What is this called?
(as he quickly bends and releases his middle finger using his thumb)
Britne: Flick.
KDU: Flick? So, I'm Flick-ing?
Britne: Yes, that is a flick, so you are flicking.
KDU:  Okay.

Britne:  ???

...later that day...

KDU: Okay class, lets play the memory game with a partner. Say your vocabulary words and take turns adding more words.... Oh, if your partner forgets a word, please flick them in the forehead.

hahaha! Oh, Korea! God love ya!

Oh So Sad...

Why?

Because today I wore socks to work.

There is a direct correlation between my happiness and amount of airflow accessible to my little toes.  

Today was also the first day since May where I didn't have a single bead of sweat drip down my back.  And this is not a good thing.   I love the heat.  It makes me feel alive.  What I don't like is the frigid mind numbing winters that Korea has... and I can feel it in the air, it's almost here!  I've hardly been able to enjoy fall (which is typically my favorite season) because with every big breezy gust of wind, I can't help but think that a few weeks from now, those big gusts are going to knock the wind out of me and have me shivering in my office praying for someone to turn on the heat.

Oh well... c'est la vie.  There is nothing I can do about it.

Oh, but to rub salt in my already foot stifled day,  I had to give another teacher seminar today.  It was the second day of my third series of seminars.  Out of the ten or so participants only 3 ever bothered to speak, at all.  One of the mute ones did eventually speak.  He only said one sentence...  "You look very tired."

 

Great.  Thanks.  That's the polite way of saying "you look like shit."   And I got 10 hours of sleep last night.   Go figure!

Britne's Semi-Annual Sale

Okay, well I'm not really selling anything... except for maybe sunshine and happiness!

Because today is that day.

That day that happens about twice a year.

The day when I wake up rested and happy. The other 363 days I wake up groggy. It doesn't matter how much sleep I get; 6 hours, 8 hours, 12 hours, it makes no difference. Last night I went to bed at 3am and woke up perky and ready to go at 7:30am!

This is what it must feel like to be a morning person. I envy them. Life would be so much better if there were more days like today.

Today all my classes were great. Whether that was a change in the students or a change in me, I don't know. I played more with the kids, we had fun and joked around. I had lots of giggly conversations with my co-teachers.

I want to become a morning person. I am usually energetic and happy, it just doesn't happen until much later in the day. Then no one is around and my positive vibes are wasted.

How can I be a morning person? Is there some night-owls anonymous that I can take? Any voo-doo rituals? I'll shave my head and chant jibberish at a shrine to David Hasselhoff if that's what it takes!

Any ideas? Anyone?

Those Bastards!

I have exciting news! I can read!!!

...sorta.

I went to Daegu today. When I walked by the movie

theater I decided to check out what was playing so I

started to play my usual game of: Match the crazy

Korean characters. It's sort of like mixing an ink blot

test with the memory game. I give names to the

Korean letters I see on the marquee then try to match

them to the movie posters.

For example:

ㄹ would be "snake"

있 would be "winking face with mustache"

옷 would be "vitruvian man"

ㅈ would be "decapitated vitruvian man"

etc...

So I started to play using the word "바스터즈"

but then I stopped. I thought, "No, Britne. C'mon,

you can do this. Sound it out."

So I gave it a shot.

buh.

buh-ah.

buh-ah-shh-eh.

buh-ah-shh-eh-tuh-eo-...

b-a-sh-et-eo...

baseteo...

baster...

bastard... Bastard... BASTARD!

It's Inglorious Basterds!

I did it! I read it in Korean!!! So I preceded to do

my butt wiggling little happy dance in the middle

of a crowd of Koreans while I muttered "Bastard!

Bastard! Bastard! Whoo hoo!"

Too bad though, it was in the "Coming Soon" section.

Oh well, maybe next time!