Korean Men Wear Manties!

Korean men wear manties! All of them!

The "boxers vs. briefs" debate ceases to exist here. There are no boxers or briefs, unless you count the above picture as a brief. Men here prefer bikini underwear which come in a variety of prints: Butterflies (like above) leopard, zebra, red silk, etc.

Now, I have no problem with men having a little fun and going a little wacky with the undergarments, hell, I think it's entertaining. However, it's just one more thing that bugs me here. In my "I miss sex" post earlier this month, I touched on how men are overtly cute here... and I don't mean that in a good way.

If I've learned nothing else about myself while living in Korea, I have learned this: I like masculine men. There I said it. I like a guy who is a little rough around the edges, one who actually has 5 o'clock shadow by the end of the day, someone who actually gets dirty from time to time and whose arm muscles are actually bigger than mine.

And even as adorable as I find my co-teacher, Dong-Uk, he is just that... adorable. Anytime I try to have a conversation with him he spends half the time covering his face, giggling in embarrassment, over the most mundane topics. And it's not just him. It's a cultural thing. Most Koreans are culturally shy. Even my "outgoing" coworkers who hit on me on a regular basis end up giggling and literally running away when I talk to them. I miss confidence. I miss that cockiness that for some reasons Americans just seem to be born with.

Men really play up to the cultural cuteness here. There is one commercial that I see 100 times a day that drives me crazy. The male actor, while pitching his product, is playing coy. Similar to the way you know when a woman is flirting... batting his eyelashes, tilting his head back, finger in his mouth, then covers his mouth as he giggles and collapses his shoulders downward. This commercial makes me want to scream, "Man up, damnit!!"

This totally confuses me. I've never been into jocks, or jarheads, or meatheads or any kind of macho tough guy before. But a few weeks ago, at Mud-fest, it might as well have been called Meat-fest! There were foreign men everywhere. Big ones, towering over me, with big man muscles and you could feel the testosterone in the air. My girlfriends and I were like kids in a candy store!!!

On my first day teaching at my middle school I was asked to stand up in front of the faculty and introduce myself. Afterwards, they had a few questions for me.

#1: Q: Are you married?
A: No.
#2: Q: How do you feel about dating Korean men?
A: Uuuuhhhh.....

At the time, that was an accurate answer. I was indifferent. Neither for nor against the idea. Now I'm sorry to say that I'm not really interested.

Unless... you are talking about my hunky hunky Korean crush (me and about every other female in Asia) Lee Byung Hun. Mmmmmm. (Go check out the new G.I. Joe movie to get a taste of the manliest man in Korea! God love him!)

No Boobs? No Butt? No Problem!

After spending most of this month in transit, either crashing on friends' floors or staying in Korean motels, that are little more than an empty room with a few blankets in the corner, I have discovered the evolutionary reason as to why Korean women have very little when it comes to boobs, butts, and hips...   Sleeping.

As a society that sleeps primarily on the floor, with little or no padding under them, having curvy woman parts is an absolute handicap.  Having any one of the aforementioned girly bits is quite a hinderance but having all three is complete torture!

If you lay on  your back your butt prevents you from laying flat causing you to get a kink in your spine, you can roll over to your side but your hip is going to take all the pressure and dig into the floor and good luck trying to breathe when lying on your stomach with all the pressure on your chest! 

Though, after sleeping on the floor for the vast majority of July, I am starting to get used to it.   One of the places where I often sleep, and is one of the most comfortable, is on Anastasia's floor...  Though she thinks the comfort level of her floor has more to do with my level of intoxication when I'm staying over rather than the actual feeling of her floor. 

... hmmm.  Very possible.

  Korean motel room on Ulleungdo Island

I Miss Sex!

In America, sex sells.  

In Korea, that's not the case.  Cute sells.  

Every commercial, tv show, and K-pop band is pumped full of doe-eyed, innocent looking, brightly dressed, giggling personalities. 

Case in point:  Girls Generation.   A huge K-pop band here. 

 

When I arrived here in Korea, their smash-hit "Gee" was playing from every store and restaurant, not to mention every kid's ipod.  The song was unavoidable.... and tranquilizing due to the fact that is song is so damn catchy it almost makes you catatonic. 

However, I was blown away when I saw the video for "Gee".  First, the sheer number of them... there are 9!  Secondly, there isn't an ounce of flesh, or smidge of silicone that can be seen in the video.  

The closest American girl group counterpart that I could come up with is the Pussycat Dolls.  Even the name oozes with sex.  Not to mention they are bursting with enhanced girly bits, their songs are about removing their clothes, and watching a video is basically like being in a strip club in your own living room.

And damn I miss that!

I'm so tired of being killed with cuteness!  Every commercial, every show, every time... cute cute cute!  I'm around 800 little kiddies a week, I get all the cute I can handle then!

I miss the raunchiness of American tv.  I miss things being overtly sexual and downright inappropriate just for the shock value.  I miss sex!!

What's even more annoying is that even men play up to the cute factor here in Korea.  It's nauseating and somewhat disturbing....

...Oh, but I'll save that blog for another day.

Cha-Cha-Changes...

Something odd is going on here.

I keep noticing myself doing odd little things.

Like today for instance, at lunch I was eating my soup ( I've already been suckered back into eating Korean lunches) and I looked down and noticed my left hand was participating! Who invited her to the party?!?

I'm using my spoon with my right hand (as usual) but notice my left hand picking up hunks of (unidentified) meat with chopsticks and placing it on my spoon! Wow, when did I learn that trick? Hmmm... congratulations lefty, you are purely decorative no more!

And in the same meal I noticed another freaky phenomenon! I took one bite of my soup and thought it was too bland... so I scooped spoonful after spoonful of hot red pepper paste into my bowl!

WTF? Me and spicy? No way man. Never saw that one coming!

I've also developed a Korean attitude towards elevators. Normally, I would get in, push the floor button and wait for the door to close. Koreans and incredibly impatient. They get in, hit the floor button, and immediately and repeatedly hit the 'door close' button.

I've noticed that now when I get in the elevator I push the "12" button then start jamming my finger on those two little arrows that point towards each other, even though there is only a 2 second difference between pushing it and just waiting for the door to close.

And living out in the sticks has made me lose all my patients for traffic. I was in Daegu last week and was sitting in traffic in a cab for just a few min and wanted to pull my hair out!

How am I going to readjust to being back home??? I'm actually getting nervous about going home. That feels odd. I wasn't neverous to come here but I have serious butterflies about going back.

Hmmm... but it will be nice to drive a car again!

26, 27, 28...

Once again, the first week of July is upon us and my twenties are rapidly approaching their end.

Thus far, my twenties have been spent finding myself.

... and damn it, I've looked everywhere!!!  Where the hell am I already?!?

This year I find myself in Korea... next year.... anyone's guess.  Maybe I'll throw another dart at a globe, seems to be working so far!

Kill 'Em With Kindness... Or Candy, Which Ever Is Easier!

Today is my birthday!

I'm not a big birthday person. Never really have been. Generally my birthday comes and goes and I don't alert many people to the occasion.

Today in my 4th grade class a girl was brave enough to approach me before we started.

"Hello, how are you today Bituhne" she said.
"I'm very good, thanks. And you...?"
"I'm happy." she replied.
"Do you know what today is?" I said.

She looked at me with a blank stare and mouth wide open. I knew what she was thinking... "oh crap... we haven't rehearsed this. She's talking to me and I don't know what she's saying..."

"Do you know what today, Seven/ Seven, is?" I said again.
Still just staring at me, she looks even more confused now.

"It's my birthday." I said.
"Bituhne burrsday?!?" she squealed! Partly delighted that she understood me and partly because I would share that information with her. "OOOh, happy burrsday!"
She ran over and whispered to some of her friends. They all perked up and started pointing and whispering.

"Do you like cake?" The little girl said.
"Yes, I like cake"
"Do you like... uuuummm... gifts?" she said.
"Yes, I like cake and gifts."

Then it was time for class to start. Those little girls smiled at me all class like I had shared a special secret with them. It was very cute!

After class, those little girls came into my office, giggling nervously, during the break.

"Bittuuhne.... Happy Burrsday!" and they pulled out a little cake (a gift!) that was made out of clay. It's decorated with clay carrots and kiwi (I think). It actually made my day (thus far anyway!)

Then at lunch (which this week I officially stopped eating in the cafeteria!!) there was a package on my desk! From my grandma, aunts, cousins, parents... Filled with all kinds of fattening treats and goodies! So much for eating right!

There was no way I could eat all those goodies on my own and still fit into my pants, so I decided to take them to my after school class.   

I loathe my after school class! I teach it on my own and the students run a muck. They own me. It's out of control, they run out of the class, crawl around on the floor. I refuse to beat them or even yell at them and they know this so there is a total disregard for everything I try to do. I dread going to that class... and to make it better, it used to be once a week, now it's twice! Yippie!

They really don't deserve the candy, but I needed to share it with someone. I always offer stuff to my co-teachers and they take it but sometimes they eat it and sometimes they don't. Which makes me giggle because now you know how I feel having gooey rice and bean cakes shoved in my face all the time.

Some of those little girls in my 4th grade class are in my after school class so when I walked in today the whole class of 9 year old monsters broke into the English rendition of "Happy Birthday To You!" Apparently it's one of the only songs they know in English! I was actually touched. One little girl scribbled something in Korean on the board. I had no idea what it said, but judging from the topic of conversation, I pointed to it and said, "Happy Birthday".

All the kids mouths dropped open and they all started squealing.   

I guessed right! From my limited Korean vocabulary I could understand them saying "oooh, she reads Korean!" They are always amazed and delighted when I say things in Korean.

The kids were up to their normal antics: fighting, cell phone video games, hiding under desks, umbrella jousting, etc. Then I pulled out the chocolate cadbury eggs and the box of Mike and Ike's.

"Do you want candy?" I said pointing to the boxes.
"Yyyyyyeessssss! Give me candy!!!!" they started screaming.
I wrote the time class was over on the board and explained, in more hand gestures than words, that if you listen to me, you get candy when class is over. If not.... NO CANDY! They shut right up! This class exhausts me and it's the last week of after school classes this semester, so I've given up and resorted to only playing hangman. I've started writing phrases on a piece of paper and let them run the game (so at least I feel like one or two students will be doing something constuctive.)

They were as good as gold today! No one spoke out of turn, no one ran away, there was no blood on the floor... nothing! I'm not one for bribes, but next semester.... I'm bribing these monsters with candy every week!!!

And the day just kept getting better!  I went to dinner with Marica (a fellow North Carolinian, Charlotte actually) and we stuffed ourselves full of bulgogi and galbi (sliced beef and marinated pork) 

After dinner we were just sitting there, on the floor, talking and a man came up to us and picked our bill up off the table.  "This .... I will pay" he said.   Marica and I were confused.   "Why?" we asked.  "Because I'm Korean" he said.  

Fair enough!

I don't think he realized we had ordered at least 4 servings of meat!  Oh well!    Then when I made it home,  the little old man security guard stopped me at the elevator.   He came running out of his little security closet and muttered something at me and handed me a box.

Inside the box was a cake and a note that said, "Happy Birthday Britne!  Always Thank You, Min-Jung, Dong-Uk, Young-Jin"   awwww.  My co-teachers came by with a cake when I wasn't here!  

I threw myself a little birthday party and had some cake!  

It was a great day!

Bike Ride

Okay, I know it's a little shaky... but you try holding a camera while riding a bike down bumpy Korean roads!

I started and ended at my apartment.  It usually takes about an hour or so... but I did some serious editing!