Who's On Hana?

Here is why Korea is confusing:

BB: When is the last day of class?
Koreans: Dec. 23
BB: That's the last day??
K: Yes.
BB: When does the new school year start?
K: March 1
BB: March? Same as last year.
K: Yes
BB: So last class Dec 23, next class March 1???
K: Yes.
BB: And I have camps in Jan ?
K: Yes
BB: and nothing in Feb?
K: No
BB: What is in Feb?
K: class
BB: huh?
K: classes in Feb
BB: more camps?
K: no, real school
BB: last day dec 23?
K: yes
BB: frist day march 1?
K: Yes
BB: sooooo.... no class in feb?
K: No.
..... AAAAHHHHH I give up!!!

It's like Abbot and Costello except in broken Engrishee!!!

I Would Have Missed It...

When I'm traveling I always want the window seat. I can sleep anywhere but rarely do I sleep in cars, buses or trains.

One reason I love to travel is because I want to see everything. The main attractions, the back roads, the big cities, the small farms, the good, the bad and the ugly. I never want to sleep when traveling because I feel like I'll miss something. That as soon as my eyes are closed, something breathtaking will slip by me and an opportunity to see something amazing will be lost forever. Rarely has this ever really been the case.

Until Korea.

It was March or April of this year and I was going to Gyeongju (about 45 min from my town) to visit Lindsey and Jeff. I had only been on the train a few minutes and was in my comfy window seat position: ipod on, seat reclined, foot rest up (Korean trains are incredibly comfortable) and elbow against the window, bracing my head as I stared aimlessly at the passing scenery, which was finally starting to change from brown to green. Then, out of no where, I saw it. Just for a second. A giant golden Buddha statue, towering over the tree tops, sparkled in the spring light like a giant golden beacon. Then just as quickly as I saw it, it disappeared.

What the??? What was that? Where are we?


I think we are still close to my town! I could have missed it!!!!


For months and months I've been meaning to find that temple. Not really knowing what to search for, I finally googled: Giant golden Buddha Yeongcheon and an article about "Manbulsa" came up. I searched for Manbulsa and found their website. A few weeks ago I finally made it to this temple. (It only took me until December!) Warwick came with me.

We went in the late afternoon so by the time we made it to the top of the hill, where the Amitabha Buddha or Big Buddha was, the sun was setting on him in the most beautiful way. The Amitabha is over 30 meters tall which is almost 10 stories high! Even in the pictures it loses its enormity since the scale is lost unless you are standing directly under it.

Me in front of Amitabha Buddha. The scale is somewhat lost in this picture. When next to it, I am

shorter than the stone wall in the background!!!!

Inside the main temple

Nirvana Buddha

Warwick getting some sunset pictures

the graveyard and tombstones at the temple

A Rose By Any Other Name...

Yesterday, Kim Dong-Uk informed me that our last day of school is 3 weeks away. While I couldn't be more thrilled, I am starting to get sentimental. I'm actually going to really miss these kids.

As I looked around my classrooms today I saw so many familiar little faces... but very few familiar names!

With 45% of Koreans having the last name of "Kim" "Lee" or "Park", and just about every kid has "Min, Ming, or Yeong" somewhere in their name. So, trying to remember 800 little Kim Yeong-Su, Park Min-Jung, Lee Ming-Na, Kim Min-Ju, Park Yeong-Jin, Park Min-Na, Lee Yeong-Ju, and every other possible combination was clearly impossible from day one.

My elementary school students never made English names of their own and even if they had, with 800 different kids a week, I'd still hardly recognize most of them.

 

There are a select handful of students that stand out, for various reasons, and I took it upon myself to give them nicknames... though, only in my head. Here are a few of my favorites:

Lollipop 1 and 2: See previous post.

CLICK HERE

Pringles: She fed me Pringles and chocolate for an entire hour on the way to our field trip in April. Girl sure knows how to win the teacher's affection!

Jazz Hands: Flamboyant chubby kid who loves to sing and is the only one to ever volunteer to act anything out. I love him.

Sunshine & Kirsten: Sunshine purely because she is one of those kids that lights up your day and Kirsten, for no reason in particular, she reminds me 

of a cousin of mine.

Jesus: Probably one of the top 5 most annoying kids

on the planet. Every time I'm around him all that goes through my head is "Jesus.... kill me now!!!" This kid has the uncanny ability to yell "Teacher teacher teacher teacher" for 40 minutes straight while jumping in his chair, crawling under desks, or running in circles. And he just happens to be the smartest kid I teach. He also lives in my building and recites my address in English every time I pass by him... weirdo.

Pixie: She's half the weight and a head shorter than

 every other student her age, so is her little sister. She has the squeakiest little voice and she is absolutely beautiful.  She looks like she belongs in a fairy tale. 

Shit for brains: This name has nothing to do with his intelligence but rather this incident: 

CLICK HERE

Ms. President: Every kid in her class had their picture on the wall and under it was written what they want to be when they grow up. All the girls said "I want to be a Pop-star or mother." All the boys said, "I want to be a Pop-star or Soccer player"... except for her. She said, "I WILL be President."

We Represent...

So, there are two little boys in one of my fourth grade classes that I've affectionately nicknamed, "the lollipop guild" though no real resemblance to the Wizard of Oz characters.

They get their nickname from their overall appearance. They look like two little lollipops. Enormous heads, plus a bushel of thick back hair, on little bodies that are no more than 1/2 the width of those domes of theirs. And they are both about a foot shorter than any other student in class.

If that was it I would just call them lollipops. But they come as a team, hence the guild. They are attached at the hip. Always together. Actually, a little too together. Always sitting on each others laps, giving each other back rubs, they sit next to each other and usually have their arms around each other as they work, and sometimes they are practically dry humping each other.

Seeing these two boys interact each week has made me aware of and intensely frustrated by part of my American heritage and culture that apparently has been ingrained into my psyche:

I immediately think these boys are gay.

But, they don't have "gay" here in Korea.

I remember the Iranian president, Ahmadinejad, once saying they don't have gay people in Iran. I remember thinking, "what a jackass". Well Korea is also one of those "there are no gay people here" countries. At first I was immensely annoyed by the blatant disregard and omittance of gay individuals here. Though, now, my feelings toward their head-in-the-sand approach to homosexuality has changed somewhat.

When I was teaching at an all boys middle school I very quickly noticed, on the very first day, that the boys were incredibly affectionate with each other. Though, they were also constantly punching, kicking, tackling each other, I'd also see them resting their heads on a friends shoulder if they were tired, arms wrapped around each other to brace themselves on the bus, and rubbing a friends shoulders after judo class. It didn't take long to realize that even though this "no gays in Korea" mentality has a plethora of negative consequences, there was one very good outcome: No homophobia. None.

In America, we make concrete gender lines from birth. Actually, we make them pre-natal. You are born as a pink or a blue. Little boys wear blue clothes and play with trucks and guns. If a boy puts on something pink, or god forbid, picks up a doll, he is immediately stamped as "gay". Fathers try their damnedest to prevent anyone from thinking their boy might grow up to be gay and will try to make them Über masculine. "Boys don't cry" "don't be a sissy" "Shake it off" etc is pummeled into little boy brains.  Toddlers that can barely string together a cohesive sentence know what is culturally acceptable based on their gender. Go to a 3 year-old's birthday party and give out pink and blue party favors, if the only favor left is a pink one, do you think that little boy isn't going to break down in tears???

I'm about as for gay rights as they come. I don't care what your sexuality is and honestly I don't want to hear about your sex life no matter what your preference, whether you're gay, straight, bi, transsexual, a-sexual, or into extra-terrestrials. I don't care.

Now that I've been here 9 months I think back to when I got here and how I thought Korea really needed to reevaluate it's attitude towards homosexuality. Now I'm starting to think that it's me, and my entire American culture, who needs to reevaluate the thinking process behind what is actually normal affectionate human interaction...  though, seriously kid, stop dry humping your friend's leg!

I Feel Like Shit Too, Kid!

Yesterday, it was time for my after school class and in walks my most frustrating student. He was early.

He's really not a bad kid (some of them really are) he's just legitimately hyperactive. His mind and his body are all over the place. (For the first 15 min of class he stabbed 3 rocks with scissors. Though, he gave me the rocks as a gift after class.)

This kid just has a fire in his eyes, you can see that he's actually a pretty good student, if you can just reel him in... which is easier said than done when you don't speak his language. He and I have come a long way lately. We are finally used to each other and I'm starting to see a lot of progress... anyway...

He walks in and instead of immediately muttering obscenities at him (no need to do it under my breath here, he can't understand me) I instead decide to greet him.

Brit: "Hello, how are you?"
Kid: ...???...   (blank stare, I swear I can hear crickets)
Brit: (I try again. 37 weeks of the same thing... he should know this by now) "How... are... you? Happy? (I point to my big cheesy grin) Sad? (now I pretend to cry) Angry?" (I start growling at him and shaking my head)
Kid: (he starts stomping and flailing his arms while growling and shaking his head wildly)
Brit: "You're angry?"
Kid: (Jumps up and down nodding)
Brit: "Why?"
Kid: (Wraps his arms around his stomach and bends over moaning)
Brit: "You are sick?" (Makes sense, everyone is out with some flu or cold)
Kid: (Again jumps up and down while nodding)
Brit: "Oh, that's too bad. (a vocabulary phrase he should know) You have a stomach ache? "  ( I point to my stomach)
Kid: "No, teacher...." he actually says and takes the marker out of my hand and starts to draw on the marker board.

I'm intrigued and stand there while he draws his ailment on the board only to burst out into laughter when I realize he drew a big pile of crap!!!

Brit: (still laughing) "Oh, no!"
Kid: (laughing while holding his stomach and moaning in agony) "Oooh no, teacher...."

We both stood there laughing while the rest of the class showed up. He was actually really good in class... once he stopped stabbing those rocks.

I'll Plan Ahead

...So that the next time, when I meet a guy in a bar, and he asks me out for coffee the next day, the only clean clothes I have won't be a t-shirt that says,

 "Cheap and cute but you get what you pay for."

Hmm.... 

Well, he should consider it fair warning!

Global Shopping Spree

In a conversation with my sister last night, I was reminded of just how different we truly are.

The topic of "china" entered the conversation. My mind immediately envisioned strapping on my backpack and trekking The Great Wall, hopping on and off crowded trains and sampling the unique culture and food

She was thinking more along the lines of picking up a laser scanner and trekking through Macy's trying to dodge the crowds while searching for the perfect pattern of Wedgwood on which to serve food.

Fashion Sense-less

I have received several comments from coworkers on how "cute" I look today. This makes me giggle. Mostly because to me, I look ridiculous!

I am no fashionista, most will attest to that, particularly my sister who has, on several occasions, literally pulled me back into the house while saying, "I'm not letting you leave the house looking like that!!"

On a good day, I'm a plain Jane, jeans and a t-shirt and I'm good to go.

During my vacation in America this past summer, I bought lots of clothes including several "Korean looking" dresses. Ah, what does "Korean looking" mean? In a nutshell it means ridiculous.

Here is a little input into the Korean world of fashion:

Men: pretty much in sync with what is going on in the US (sans anything in the hiphop or rap realm).

Women:
-It's a little bit 1st grade (Hello Kitty or Mickey Mouse is completely acceptable to have on your socks, purse, jeans,... anything)
-It's a little bit early 1990's (lots of busy floral patterns, floppy neck bows, lots of ruffles and frills, and all things bedazzled)
-It's a little bit "Little House On The Prairie"... Cleavage is a no-no (probably because there isn't any here!) so necklines rarely go past the collarbone and usually don't even go past the throat. They also keep their arms covered almost all the time. So from neck to wrist they are covered in trance inducing ruffly floral patterns... just add a bonnet and Young-jin could totally be Laura Ingles! Come to think of it, she derived her English name "Anne" from the book "Anne of Green Gables" which is pretty damn accurate. Well, if Young-jin is Laura Ingles then Min-jung is definitely Nelly Olsen!

and lastly...

-It's a little bit "potato sack meets street walker". Most of the clothes are shapeless sacks. Over sized, unflattering, and overpriced! (Not to mention mistranslated!) Though, I am a little bit envious of not being able to partake in this aspect of their fashion. Most single Korean women in their 20's are so damn thin that they can get away with wearing a burlap sack and still look smoking hot... and they do. Well, a floral ruffly burlap sack anyway.

And what these women lack in cleavage, they make up for in legs. And they work it!! Hard! In the US, the length of their skirts coupled with the height of their heels translates directly to hooker! Skirts so short I'm pretty sure they have to coordinate their bikini waxing with their outfits! And again, I'm envious. Not only because I don't have the legs to pull it off, but because I have a skirt handicap... it's called an ass!

Western women can't wear skirts that short. The extra volume from our butt causes our skirts to rise a few inches in the back. The more ass you have, the more it rides up in the back. So our skirts have to be long enough in the front to keep our cheeks covered in the back. Not the case with Korean women since the vast majority have no butts. Their legs go from toes to torso with not so much as the slightest bump of a bum to get in the way.

So today I wore one of my "Korean looking" dresses to work. It's a short, somewhat shapeless sleeveless dress. It has a checkered, almost plaid pattern with a big floppy collar and big blue buttons. It's navy, red, and tan and I wore black tights and a brown long sleeve shirt under it. (matching or even coordinating isn't something anyone here bothers to do so why should I?).

I was too damn lazy to wash my hair this morning so I took a few barrettes and clipped it all to the top of my head in a very "Sunday morning walk of shame" type of manner. Though my coworkers like when I wear my hair up because it shows off the "shape" of my head. Apparently to Koreans, I have a very desirable head shape.

So yeah, lots of compliments on how I look today. They say, "cute"... I say, "10 year old clown the morning after a 3 day meth bender".

But whatever, cultural difference I guess!

What Am I Doing?

Kim Dong Uk: What am I doing? What is this called?
(as he quickly bends and releases his middle finger using his thumb)
Britne: Flick.
KDU: Flick? So, I'm Flick-ing?
Britne: Yes, that is a flick, so you are flicking.
KDU:  Okay.

Britne:  ???

...later that day...

KDU: Okay class, lets play the memory game with a partner. Say your vocabulary words and take turns adding more words.... Oh, if your partner forgets a word, please flick them in the forehead.

hahaha! Oh, Korea! God love ya!

Oh So Sad...

Why?

Because today I wore socks to work.

There is a direct correlation between my happiness and amount of airflow accessible to my little toes.  

Today was also the first day since May where I didn't have a single bead of sweat drip down my back.  And this is not a good thing.   I love the heat.  It makes me feel alive.  What I don't like is the frigid mind numbing winters that Korea has... and I can feel it in the air, it's almost here!  I've hardly been able to enjoy fall (which is typically my favorite season) because with every big breezy gust of wind, I can't help but think that a few weeks from now, those big gusts are going to knock the wind out of me and have me shivering in my office praying for someone to turn on the heat.

Oh well... c'est la vie.  There is nothing I can do about it.

Oh, but to rub salt in my already foot stifled day,  I had to give another teacher seminar today.  It was the second day of my third series of seminars.  Out of the ten or so participants only 3 ever bothered to speak, at all.  One of the mute ones did eventually speak.  He only said one sentence...  "You look very tired."

 

Great.  Thanks.  That's the polite way of saying "you look like shit."   And I got 10 hours of sleep last night.   Go figure!

Britne's Semi-Annual Sale

Okay, well I'm not really selling anything... except for maybe sunshine and happiness!

Because today is that day.

That day that happens about twice a year.

The day when I wake up rested and happy. The other 363 days I wake up groggy. It doesn't matter how much sleep I get; 6 hours, 8 hours, 12 hours, it makes no difference. Last night I went to bed at 3am and woke up perky and ready to go at 7:30am!

This is what it must feel like to be a morning person. I envy them. Life would be so much better if there were more days like today.

Today all my classes were great. Whether that was a change in the students or a change in me, I don't know. I played more with the kids, we had fun and joked around. I had lots of giggly conversations with my co-teachers.

I want to become a morning person. I am usually energetic and happy, it just doesn't happen until much later in the day. Then no one is around and my positive vibes are wasted.

How can I be a morning person? Is there some night-owls anonymous that I can take? Any voo-doo rituals? I'll shave my head and chant jibberish at a shrine to David Hasselhoff if that's what it takes!

Any ideas? Anyone?

Those Bastards!

I have exciting news! I can read!!!

...sorta.

I went to Daegu today. When I walked by the movie

theater I decided to check out what was playing so I

started to play my usual game of: Match the crazy

Korean characters. It's sort of like mixing an ink blot

test with the memory game. I give names to the

Korean letters I see on the marquee then try to match

them to the movie posters.

For example:

ㄹ would be "snake"

있 would be "winking face with mustache"

옷 would be "vitruvian man"

ㅈ would be "decapitated vitruvian man"

etc...

So I started to play using the word "바스터즈"

but then I stopped. I thought, "No, Britne. C'mon,

you can do this. Sound it out."

So I gave it a shot.

buh.

buh-ah.

buh-ah-shh-eh.

buh-ah-shh-eh-tuh-eo-...

b-a-sh-et-eo...

baseteo...

baster...

bastard... Bastard... BASTARD!

It's Inglorious Basterds!

I did it! I read it in Korean!!! So I preceded to do

my butt wiggling little happy dance in the middle

of a crowd of Koreans while I muttered "Bastard!

Bastard! Bastard! Whoo hoo!"

Too bad though, it was in the "Coming Soon" section.

Oh well, maybe next time!

Look At That Dome!!

Okay, I'll admit it. Today I was just being lazy. 

I didn't want to get up this morning so I just rolled out of bed, threw my hair in a ponytail, picked my jeans up off the floor, grabbed a carrot for lunch (yeah, sad huh?) and ran right out the door.

So I was sitting around my office, chatting with a few ladies, eating apples with toothpicks... like ya do... and in their conversation I heard one of them mutter "Buh-rit-tuh-ne... blah blah blah".

I look up from my apple-on-a-stick and give them the "I know you are talking about me, so spill it..." look.

They giggle for a second and say, "You changey your hair. It is very beautiful today."

I was perplexed by this statement because all I could think was... you mean this greasy mess I call a ponytail?... and as that thought was crossing my mind, one of the women says, "Your brain shape changey."

Hmmmm.  Interesting.  Very possibly true.  I mean, your brain is a muscle right? Mine  has been getting a lot of exercise lately from constant Sudoku puzzles. And when I exercise my ass muscles, my ass shape definitely changes.... so maybe this applies to my brain too!!

Damn, I have the tightest brain in Yeongcheon!

"Wouldn't It Be Loverly"

Before moving to Korea, I had only seen one Audrey Hepburn movie.

When I moved to Charlotte I didn't have TV and I only owned 3 or 4 dvds, so I'd walk to the library and check out their classic movies and "Roman Holiday" happened to be in their selection.

But thanks to Korea's Donga Network and someone's obsession with Audrey Hepburn in the late night programming department, I have now seen the following:

"Roman Holiday"
"Funny Face"
"Sabrina"
"Breakfast at Tiffany's"
"My Fair Lady"

There seems to be a recurrent theme in most of these movies. She starts off with long hair and at some point cuts her long trusses and becomes beautiful and adored by all. It really says something about how strikingly beautiful you are when a pixie haircut enhances your looks!

Unfortunately, I find most of the characters she plays in these movies obnoxious and annoying however, I'm absolutely enamoured with Audrey Hepburn herself. I guess that speaks volumes about how adorably likeable she was and why she remains one of the most popular actresses of all time.

Though I must say, I really love "Roman Holiday" and "Sabrina".....

and I'm sure will see them 50 more times before I leave Korea.

Time For A Change

Things that I do now, that I never did before Korea:

• squeegee the floor after every shower
• roll up my pants before going into a bathroom
• duck when turning on a bathroom sink
• only eat the inside of grapes and leave behind little purple grape carcases
• contemplate my options at toilet paper vending machines
• hear the difference between "Hyundai" and "Haeundae"
• refer to kimchi as "pretty good"
• drink aloe juice, and like it.
• use words like "pagey" "changey" and "lunchy"
• get annoyed if I have to pay more than 2200 won ($2.20) for a taxi
• consider "hello kitty" socks + flip flops acceptable business footwear
• Push when I want to Pull, Pull when I would Push, Lift when I want to Lower, Twist when I would Close... every instinct is opposite here!
• Alpha-numeric Sudoku. I've become a sudoku wizard! 9x9 puzzles with just numbers no longer cut it. I've moved on to 16x16 with letters and numbers. It's definitely a challenge. They should keep me busy for the next month or so... after that, no idea how I'll entertain myself at work.

so many options... what to choose, what to choose?

You Snooze, You Lose!

My two adorable co-teachers Young-jin (Anne) and Dong-uk (Will)...

Anne was exausted and having a hard time staying awake. She asked Will for help

They decided to play Kai, Bai, Boe (Korean version of rock, paper, scissors) except, the loser of each game gets whacked in the head with the big plastic mallet!

It's actually a pretty effective method for waking someone up!

... and what an awesome shirt you have there, Will! Who could have possibly given you such a great shirt???

Vacations: Some Are More Fun Than Others

In one of my 6th grade classrooms the kids have painted pictures of :

"What did you do on your summer vacation?"

I wasn't there when these were painted so I can't be 100% sure as to what the images are, but I can make some pretty good guesses: I went to the beach, I picked apples, I chased dragonflies, etc.

Except for the one on the top row, second from the right...

..."I was caught crossing the border to the North, thrown into a POW camp and forced to do hard labor" ????

Hmmm... had no idea Lara Ling and Euna Lee were in my 6th grade class!

2 Reasons Why I Love Swine Flu

Soap and paper towels!!!

It just so happens that Koreans are paranoid, actually, downright petrified of H1N1. So much so that they've even gone so far as to, dare I say it, install soap and paper towels in the bathrooms!!!

I have been here 7 months now. Last month the soap and paper towels showed up in my school. I've kept soap and hand sanitizer at my desk for months but have managed to stay constantly sick while living here. All of a sudden, I've gone an entire month without a cold!! And the only thing that changed, is they taught the kids (and co-teachers) to wash their hands!

so I ask you this...
Swine flu and Britne's health: Coincidence or divine intervention?

It's Bedtime

Got ready for bed, did a little painting to wind myself down, caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I walked by...

"WTF?!?!" I thought.

Ahhhh... totally forgot I painted that on when I was talking to my mom on skype!  

Hmmm, hope that comes off easily.  Probably should have thought about that before giving myself the mustache.   

Now, where's my red wig... ?

Only In Korea...

do students, when playing an alphabet game dealing with animal names,  come up with "dinosaur" and "ox" when we get to the letters "D" and "O"...

But when the category changes to food and the letters "D" and "O" come up again, they all start screaming, "DOG"  and  "OCTOPUS!!!"

Bleh!