The worst moments are the best memories

Sometimes when I think back on my life, it plays like a movie in my head, not like my own life.

The places I've been, the people I've met, the things I've done - all chance events haphazardly occurring throughout my life, with no clear rhyme or reason.

It all goes by in the flash on an instant. I desperately try to slow it all down, and to some degree I've been able to. When I travel, I remember more of my life. I can't name 5 things I did in my last 6 months in the US, but I can recall how I've spent every weekend and most weekdays of my time here. My philosophy is: If I remember more of my life, then I've lived more of my life.

But sometimes I get so wrapped up in the now that I forget to savor the insignificant moments. I have to make a conscious effort to step back and let all my senses take over, to absorb everything around me: the good, the bad, the incredible, the uncomfortable, all of them. Even the worst situations eventually become the most vivid scenes in my mental movie.

One of my fondest memories of my time in Mali was the night i was incredibly ill. The heat was sweltering, the humidity thick, sweat was pouring off my face, I was hovering over a nyegen so weak I could hardly stand, while cockroaches crawled all over my feet... At the time, I was in hell.  But I got through it and could even laugh about it the next morning and now, I can't believe how lucky I was just to be there.  I remember every moment, every feeling from that night.

I try to remind myself of that here in Korea.

After work I've been hiking through the mountains of Yeongcheon, trying to release some pent up frustration. Instead of just blazing through the trails as fast as possible, which was my original goal, I've been veering off the path and exploring old tombs that overlook the city, reminding myself to just breathe it all in... Feel the sun, remember how the flowers smell, listen to the sounds of Korea.... it will all be over so fast.

... someday I'll miss all this.

Funky Fish Food

About two weeks ago I went to Gumi, about an hour west of my town, to have a much needed girls night out!

We started at a little coffee/ ice cream shop/ spa. The spa part of it was called "Dr. Fish". It's just a small tub in the back of the shop with a bunch of fish in it. You sit on the side of the tub and stick your feet in the water and the fish will eat the dead skin off your feet!!

Of course... we all had to try it!! And OH MY GOD did it tickle!!!!! I'm freakishly ticklish anyway, so I could hardly sit there without wiggling and giggling.

After Dr. Fish we went to a local Hookah bar and indulged in wine and cheese, tobacco and girl talk! It was fantastic!!

"W-O-W"... it's fun being out with the girls! I love the cheesiness of Korea! Wait.... that's just me being cheesy in Korea. My mistake! Then around midnight we wandered to a Norebang bar (Karaoke in Japan) and we belted out tunes from the cheesiest pop songs we could think of!

Norebang is not for the faint at heart, or the weak... particularly the tambourining! Especially if you've been drinking heavily. I've had bruises for two weeks! Ouch!

I believe this was Journey's "Open Arms" and the one below was probably something like the Spice Girls. Who knows!

We left Norebang around 3am and went to some local Expat bars. I finally made it back to Anastasia's apartment (wearing shoes I'd never seen before! Don't know who they belonged to) around 5:30 am. I had to be up and at least pretending to be sober by 8am to attend my sister's college graduation... via webcam! Yes, my family sat through the whole ceremony with an open laptop just so I could watch!

It was a great weekend! I can't wait to do it again!

Stop and smell the Roses

It's one of those things I always assumed I did, but now that they are everywhere I've noticed that I actually do it... I stop, everytime, and smell the roses.

It's one of those little things that's nice to discover about yourself.

No matter where I'm going, what I'm doing or how late I am; when I see a pretty rose, I stop and breathe it in.

While I'm in Korea

Goal #1:

Get Healthy.

Mind - Body - and Spirit.

Hmmm, I think all three are easier said than done... but I'm trying.

Today was a great day

I really needed today.

Though the frustrations of culture shock are finally weaning, I still end up with a lot of pent up frustration in my day to day life.  However, today was a breath of fresh air.   Literally.

Will and I decided to go hiking today.  He took me to Eunhaesa Temple, on the outskirts of Yeongcheon.  It's a holiday weekend and the parking lot was full when we got there. Will didn't want to look for a parking spot, so in a move that was straight out of the Britne playbook, he drove up to the gate and told the guard he had an appointment with a monk, and in we drove.

We parked next to Eunhaesa Temple.  It's a large and famous temple here in Korea.  We bypassed the temple and started heading up the mountain.  Will wanted to take me to an obscure little temple deep in the mountains.  It's a place he used to go when he was younger.    We hiked the 3.5k up to the temple (whose name I can't remember.)

  

It was so nice to be in the mountains.  I'm a mountains girl, always have been.  I'll choose a day lost in the mountains over a day at the beach every time.  Being in the woods was strangely familiar:  the feeling, the smells, the sounds; it was just like being back home.  It was a perfect day today, sunny and warm, but you could feel the damp coolness of the forest as you climbed up.  It smelled like Appalachia with comforting scents of Pine trees and Azalea blossoms.  It was such a calming and peaceful walk, listening to mountain streams and birds chirping.

I was a little worried about not being able to keep up.  I haven't gone hiking in a long time and I'm really out of shape.  But not to worry, Will's a smoker.  I had no problem keeping up with him!

The air seemed clean today.  Maybe it was because I was deep in the mountains.  Maybe it was just a freak day.  Either way, I couldn't get enough.  I sucked in as much air as I could.  I couldn't breathe deep enough.  I just wanted to stand there and breathe all day.  

It was a long, steep hike to the small temple, and I was dripping with sweat by the time we got to the top... and it felt great!  I love the heat.  I love the feeling of being drenched in sweat, I associate that feeling with a lot of good memories... mostly of traveling.

Will showed me around the temple.  It was a tiny little temple at the top of the mountain.  It was quiet and peaceful it was very.... buddhist.  Will took me to Buddha to pray.  We took off our shoes and entered the main temple building.

We grabbed two mats and put them on the floor.  Will showed me how to pray.  Bowing, kneeling on the floor, and then standing back up... repeated 3 times.  Afterwards we sat there in silence.  It was so peaceful.  Only the two of us, sitting under the alter fixated on the golden Buddha, sweat pouring off of my skin while I sat in that hot little room that was filled with the sweet smell of incense.  I wanted to sit there all day.

It's madness I tell you!!!

I can't decide who is better behaved...

American students or Korean students?

I have to say, on an individual basis, Korean kids are hands down better students. You don't have the problem children with severe or even minor behavior problems. Out of the 800 students I see a week, I have maybe 3 or 4 that are a pain... and they mostly just want attention.

Oh, but when it comes to the group dynamic... holy crap, Korean kids are nuts! The students run a muck! The school is just plain chaotic. It's like trying to teach a herd of cattle! Most of the time you are just trying to keep from getting trampled!

There are always clusters of kids just running down the hallways, unsupervised, and the teachers don't seem to mind. Kids are punching each other, dragging their friends down the halls... it's madness I tell you!

Tid bits

-I could get used to kids bowing at me. Makes me feel special. Actually, I am special here.

-There are still a handful of little girls that will come up to me after class just to stare at my eyes. It's weird and sweet all at the same time.

-I will never master the Korean way of eating. Chopsticks I can do, but using a spoon for my soup in my right hand while twirling wet noodles with chopsticks in my left.... no. I don't have that kind of coordination. My left hand is merely decorative.

-When I'm feeling a little rebellious, I walk around my apartment with shoes on!

-Who knew there were so many Jehovah's Witnesses in Korea??? If I leave the protection of my apartment or school, I am immediately pounced on! Grocery store, train station, walking down the street... everywhere. Basically if someone comes up to you and actually speaks English... They are a Jehovah's Witness. Though they give you gifts sometimes! They gave me Jesus toilet paper! How thoughtful... and practical!

-I've lived here 2 months now. I still haven't taken the trash out. At least not all of it. It's complicated here. There are 30,000 ways to separate your trash and I've yet to figure all of them out!

-My fourth grade students think I'm saying "Fuck you" when I say "Vacuum" they start to giggle and they all flick me off!!!

-If son saeng nim (teacher) likes you, I'll cheat so you can win at bingo... But shhhhh, don't tell!

-Every time I travel I make a mental list of children I would someday like to adopt.

As far as babies go, there are none in the entire world cuter than African baby boys. With their shiny bald heads and their infectious chubby cheeked grins.

But when it comes to toddlers, hands down Asian (Korean specifically) little girls. Their round porcelain faces and their jet black little pigtails that bop around as they play are mesmerizing. There is a sweetness to the little girls here, and the older ones and hell adults too, that is unparalleled.

I've come close to asking women if I can have their kids. I see them giggling and playing around town or in my elevator and I just want to keep them. Though, It's probably considered rude to ask to take someone's child... okay, it's probably more creepy and freakish than rude, but you have no idea how cute these kids are! Thank goodness Korea doesn't allow singles to adopt, because if they did, I would, without a doubt, spend the money I'm saving this year on bringing one back to the US.

This is my new BFF in Y'cheon. She wandered up to me at a festival and held out her hand and said, "Hi." My students won't even do that and this little girl was about 2 years old! We "talked" for a few minutes... mostly repeating the word "hi"... then when I got my camera out she immediately stopped and struck a pose! (I think she was trying to give the, ever popular in Korea, peace sign... but got confused and gave me the "L.... loser" sign)

After I took the picture she walked up to me and gestured at my camera. I turned it back on and showed her the picture, she nodded at it in approval and then skipped away. Her mom and I laughing the whole time. How cute is she!?

Yackity Yack.... Don't talk back!

I had to discipline my first student today.   Well, sort of.  

I do find the whole situation sort of hypocritical and amusing.  I was a pain in the ass as a student and a child for that matter.  Disobeying, being obnoxious, and talking back were sort of my forte as a kid.  I was even paddled by my second grade teacher and it's actually a fond memory of mine from elementary school.   So to be in the position of disciplinarian feels slightly ironic to me...

In the last, and worst, class of my middle school day, a student refused to do any work, no matter how hard I tried to get him to participate. This happens with several students so after doing my best I finally went to help another student who was calling for me.

Later I noticed that the student who refused to participate was being loud and showing his paper to the students around him. I looked at his worksheet and there was a very obvious phallic drawing. He didn't even try to hide it. I took the paper away from him and he kept giving me a hard time.

My middle school co-teachers no longer come to class with me. They just let me fly solo and teach class on my own. I prefer this and honestly, I think the kids are easier to deal with because they have to pay attention when there is no one to translate for them. The only drawback is, since I am alone, I have to maintain constant control. A lot of the time my classes teeter on the brink of chaos so I have to do my damnedest to maintain control. If these kids ever realize how easy it is to take control over me, I'm screwed!

So, even though what this kid did, I hardly consider bad, I couldn't just let him slide. I told him to stand up. Then I pointed to the back of class and told him to go. He said, and shook his head, "no". We went back and forth a few times, my expression and voice getting louder with each subsequent time. I wanted to just let it go. Other kids were calling for me and I could have easily walked away again but that would have put me in a very vulnerable place and I'd never get this kid to do what I said ever again. So I kept on him.

Finally, I took him by the arm, without being aggressive, just assertive, to guide him to the back of class. He jerked his arm away. I tried again with the same result only now he turned his back to me. In my mind I was thinking "GGGrrrr you little ass! You are not going to win this game! You have no idea how stubborn I am and now you're going down!"

I put my hands on his shoulders and turned him towards the back and marched him to the back of class. There is a small little alcove that is about 4" off the ground. I tried to make him stand in the alcove but he absolutely wouldn't budge. I figured this was a losing battle so as long as he stands in the back, that's good enough. I went back to helping the other students.

A few minutes later I noticed him messing with the computers in the back of the room. I walked over to him with a scowl on my face, one hand on my hip and the other pointing to the alcove.  I stomped my foot while I pointed. He refused. I asked him if I should get Humphrey (my co-teacher). He just looked away. I took his arm again. He pulled it away.  I tried again. Still no luck. At this point a few students in the back of the room were trying to coax him to just get into the alcove.  I tried to lead him by the arm again and this time he shoved my arm towards me pushing me with it. Ah crap.   Now he's in for it.

I walked to one of the students who was trying to convince him to listen to me. I told the student, "go to the teacher's room. Get Humphrey." He looked at me with a puzzled expression at first, not understanding what I was saying, then his eyes got big.  All their eyes got big.  The obnoxious  student got into the alcove.  I was tempted to just let it go, but now that other students saw what was going on, I had to follow through.  

Humphrey is my co-teacher.  Every day, multiple times a day, he comes to me and says, "If you have problems with students, come get me.  Any problems, get me."  I've seen him in the hallways disciplining students.  Actually, he's the only person I've ever seen disciplining them.  

Humphrey came into class and escorted the student out.   And that was that.  Class continued as normal... except more quietly.  After class I went to my office and the unruly student was on his hands and knees in the middle of the office.  (it's a common punishment here.  I'm not really sure why.)  I went to my desk and the other teachers hovered over the student and shoved him towards my desk while whispering in his ear.   

Tears began streaming out of his eyes and the boy, who only comes up to my chin and is about 12 years old, muttered in broken English, "Bbbbiiiitnne, I sorry."   I felt horrible.   I'm sure the kid was whipped when taken from class, and I'm sure he was going to get it at home as well.  Another teacher was wiping the tears from his cheeks as he recited his apology. 

Though, I'm pretty sure the tears were due to embarrassment, not punishment, but either way... I doubt I'll have trouble with him again.   At least, I hope not.

A picture I snuck of Humphrey with a different 

student during my first week.

Bleh, Bleh, double Bleh!

The following is a venting session...

I dread when people offer me food. They think they are being so nice, and actually they are, sharing their food with me.

Unfortunately... most of their food repulses me. I don't want it. I don't even want to look at it. I really don't want to be where I can even smell it and I certainly don't want my taste buds anywhere near it!

Then everyone I walk by at work has to be so generous and insist I have a piece of octopus, or neon green sticky rice ball, or god knows what else.

***Case in point, just as I'm sitting here typing this, my coworker walks up and hands me a little glass bottle. He hands it to me and says, "This is a Korean drink. It tastes a little terrible but it's good for health." He was right (at least on one point) It was terrible. Tastes a little like drinking Worcestershire sauce. ***

The "good for health" thing is starting to annoy me. It's sort of a Korean cop out. Any Korean custom that is unpleasant is immediately explained as being "good for health". I'm calling BS on most of them. I'm sure some have to be good for you. But, for example, sleeping on the floor is said to be good for women's health. How?

Koreans traditionally sleep on the floor but it's not uncommon for them to have beds. However, they make the mattresses reminiscent of sleeping on the floor.... so hard as a rock. This is not good for my health. Soft bed, hard bed... I don't see how any one is more or less good for you if it's not your preference. Personally sleeping on, what feels like, an ironing board makes it difficult for me to sleep. I wake up constantly. So essentially, for a month now, I haven't slept. That is NOT good for my health!! I'm exhausted! My coworkers tell me I look tired all the time. It's because, damnit, I AM!!!

Oh, but that's neither here nor there. This is supposed to be a food based bitch session.

Korean food can have it's pleasant moments. I've been to some good traditional restaurants. But most of the food I'm eating is public school cafeteria food. The first few weeks I had no problem and actually looked forward to lunch. I liked trying everything. But then just as I hit the one month mark something dawned on me... I'm not trying stuff anymore, now I just have to eat this stuff for my meals... everyday.

I'm not a big seafood fan. For two reasons... taste and texture. So choking down octopus tentacles (suction cups and all) and fire hot squid everyday sorta takes the joy out of lunch. Not to mention I'm trying to maneuver these tasty treats into my mouth with stainless steel chopsticks all while wearing a white collared shirt! Tricky!

Though, I have been complimented many times on my master chopstick abilities! (Thanks Mrs. Spence!) Some of my coworkers get teased that I work the chopsticks better than they do. Though I think the lack of chopstick skills is a western stereotype here in Korea... they are shocked that any foreigner can use them. I don't see why it's so shocking. There is at least one Chinese food place in every strip mall in America, how is there anyone left that doesn't know how to use them?

But I just don't get Korean food in this century. I get why it is this way from a historical standpoint. Until about 50 years ago (post Korean war) Korea was in the 3rd world. You ate what you had. So okay, I get why you started to ferment cabbage in vinegar and slathering it in hot pepper paste... because you had to. I get why you ate so many anchovies and pickled eggs and octopus and what have you. But now Korea has a huge global economy. They are far technologically superior to the US. Koreans are into gadgets and high fashion. Money is abundant. So why the hell can't you update the menu? Just a little.

Though my bitching is in vain. There are plenty of pizza and fried chicken joints in SoKo. They are everywhere. So I guess I can suck it up and choke down a traditional lunch and grease it up for dinner.... though that brings me to another thought. If you want to make a fortune, start pushing diet pills/ exercise gimmicks in SoKo. South Koreans are obsessed with their weight. Korean women are starting to suffer the same rates of eating disorders as the US. But after my first week of school I wondered why, in a country where I have yet to see a fat adult, are there so many chubby little kids?

It's because I am witnessing the first generation of Korean kids brought up on junk food. They love pizza and corn dogs and spaghetti and potato chips. So for you entrepreneurs out there.... give it 10-15 years when these chubby kids are chubby adults and sell them ab lounges. You will make a fortune!

I myself need to start looking into an ab lounge or something. I keep wanting to go run but it's either too damn frigid outside or there is such a thick layer of shit in the air that I feel it will do me more damage than good to run in it. I was losing a little bit of weight until the "Great chicken debacle" of March '09.

Ah, what is that you say? That was the first day I caved in and went to get greasy food. I went to one of the many fried chicken places. I walked in and pointed to the chicken and held up two fingers. The man behind the counter nodded. The pieces looked pretty small so I shook my head "no" and then held up 3 fingers. Again, he nodded. I pointed to the calculator on the counter and he typed in a price. 2500W (or about $2.50) I thought that was inexpensive but about right. Food is cheap here. A few minutes later he gestures to me that it's ready. He hands me 3 BOXES of chicken. Each with 6 or 7 pieces in it. Crap!!! Then I realize he left out a zero on the calculator. He meant 25000W ($25) Crap Crap Crap!!! Now I not only am going to bust out of my pants, but I busted my budget too! Oh well. That was weeks ago... I still have chicken in the freezer that I'm trying to get through.

That's one lesson learned. Chicken is sold by the box, not by the piece. Got it!

(The image above is from my first dinner with coworkers. Young-jin prefers to draw pictures when she can't think of a translation (which I appreciate) I believe this image is the international symbol for squid!)

The Company Kimchi

Beware: Random stream-of-consciousness blogging ahead. Though, I guess all blogging is that way.

I've been in Korea about 10 days now; 7 of which were all but sequestered at a university with 500 other new teachers. During this orientation they pretty much beat the phrase "Korea is dynamic" into our brains. What is meant by Korea is dynamic is, "Korea can be a pain in the ass, it's unpredictable and everything happens at the last minute, so learn to adapt."

So far, this is true. In 36 hours I start teaching. What grades? How many students? (my estimate is between 800-1000 kids) Where is my other school? What days do I go there? How do I get there? None of these have been answered and I doubt they will be until the moment they occur.

I'm currently living in a Korean motel.

I was told they would have an apartment for me when I got to my town. The first thing they told me when I showed up was, "we didn't get you a house yet." Ah, so dynamic. They told me I was going to stay with a 25 year old female teacher for a few days, but she didn't want me to stay with her, so I ended up in this hotel instead. Which is fine by me. Though, Anne (the teacher's English name) is actually really nice and was just too shy to have me stay with her.

I am determined to learn my co-teachers/ friends real names and not their English names, Will (Dong-Uk) and Anne (Young-Jin).

When we got to Yeongcheon (sounds like Young-chawn) we were all greeted by our main co-teacher holding up a sign with our name on it. Our co-teacher is our go-to person for the rest of the year, from setting up utilities, rides to the grocery store, and contract disputes, whatever. I was expecting a young female teacher. I saw my name being help up by a young, male, and very cute Korean guy dressed to the nines. With him was a very serious looking middle aged woman also wearing her professional attire. She is my vice principal. Will, my co-teacher, speaks English well and introduced me to the VP. She didn't utter a word to me for the next hour or so during a welcome ceremony.

On the way to Will's car after the ceremony the VP pulled out her phone and called someone. Will nudges me and says she's talking to the principal. Teasing, I said, "oh, is she telling him she wants to trade me for a different teacher?" He replied, "oh no, she Looooovvvesss you!" which I totally wasn't expecting. Then Will and I got into his car (the VP had her own) and as I was about to shut the door, the VP leans into the car, right over me and goes, "He's really really handsome isn't he!?!"

Great, the VP is trying to play matchmaker!

Though, It's not like I had to be told he was good looking! Will, Anne, and I went out to dinner at a posh restaurant and I sat across from both of them. They kept whispering and Anne would giggle. I asked why they were staring at me and Will said matter-of-factly, "You have blue eyes." Anne giggled while covering her mouth. I guess neither of them had ever stared directly into blue eyes before.

They both stared at me through dinner. I can handle that. I got used to that in Africa. I don't take offense to it. After dinner it was harder to ignore because I had nothing to distract myself with. Anne stares at me indirectly where Will makes no attempt to disguise the fact that his gaze if fixated directly on my face. It is intense. Imagine the person sitting 3 feet away from you just staring directly into your eyes during an entire meal!

Bored with the awkward silence after dinner, I said, "you're still staring at me." Will just grinned and said, "You look like a Barbie Doll."

The three of us, and another woman, had lunch at a traditional Korean restaurant for lunch today. Again, I sat across from Anne and Will. Will being directly across from me, spent the entire time staring so intensely at me that it felt like he was drilling a hole into my head. From now on, I'm sitting next to Will at meals not across from him.

Traditional Korean restaurants are going to take time getting used to. The food was delicious but the facilities are a little tricky for the average American. You sit on the ground, legs crossed, at a table that is only a few inches above the floor. That isn't a problem. The problem arises when it's time to leave and you can't figure out how to walk with two numb legs!! The best case scenario is that you end up with a pimp walk and have to sort of limp and drag one leg on your way out! But I guess if they are staring at you regardless, why not look like an idiot on top of that!

Koreans make fun of my height.

Damnit, Damnit, Damnit, Damnit!!!! I can't win. Anywhere. That's it... next time, I'm moving to a Pygmy village.

We went to my future apartment yesterday to check it out. It was in need of some TLC but overall not bad. It's about 4 times larger than what I expected so I can't complain. There was no furniture in it and they asked if I wanted a bed. (They asked because Koreans typically sleep on the floor) I said that I would prefer a bed. My principal asked how tall I was because he needed to order it (apparently they come in sizes) and I told Will and he translated. Then they all laughed. Crap.

My principal is a Korean version of my grandpa.

When I met my principal I immediately was reminded of my Pap. My principal speaks basically no English. I sit is his palatial office with Will and he gives me juice and talks at me for a half hour or so while Will just nods his head. Based solely on vibes, he seemed like an iron-fisted authority figure with a soft side. And again, this is based on nothing but gibberish and a feeling. At one point today I was sitting around with Will waiting to go somewhere when the principal left the room. Will leans in and says, "my boss is very strict. But he is also a very kind man." He hit the nail on the head and confirmed my vibe.

Though, all I ever really knew of my Pap was the soft side, I heard stories from his time as a principal. I imagine my Pap was like this principal of mine. Someone all the teachers respect but there is the ever-present undercurrent of fear.

Pizza party at my place!

The day we got to our new homes my friends and I decided it was time we plan a reunion! Somehow, my 3 friends and I all ended up within an hour of each other. I'm in the middle. So we have decided to meet up at my apartment this weekend (hopefully I'll have one by then even though I'm supposed to move in tomorrow.)

Already, I spend an hour on the phone with them every night laughing about stupid stuff that keeps happening. I have no idea how to tell them where I live or how they can get here, but we'll deal with that hurdle when we need to.

So far I have been able to identify 3 western stores in my city. An Office Depot, a 7-11 and a Dominos Pizza. The latter being very close to my apartment. Though, just because the logo looks the same, doesn't mean the product is the same. Koreans prefer potatoes, corn, and squid as pizza toppings. Bleh. But regardless, they are all coming in for a pizza party/ sleepover this weekend.

Maybe we'll just order a cheese pizza! If they even have cheese!

No one should be surprised...

For months now I've been trying to figure out where my life should go from here.  I made that pretty obvious when I wasn't actually in Charlotte last summer, but had hopped a flight to Dubai without telling anyone.

Dubai confirmed to me that I needed a change, a big one.  No matter where I was in the US, I never really felt like myself, but the moment I stepped off the plane in Dubai and felt the salty Arabian air hit my face, it all melted away.  I was me again.

When I got back I started looking into Architecture jobs all over the world:  London, Copenhagen, Sydney, Dubai (obviously)... but I wasn't really excited about the prospect of "same shit different country" ... So I decided to take a blind leap and go for change... BIG change.

The current economic crisis gives me the perfect excuse to deviate from my norm.  Unlike last time, I don't have to leave a "good job" to pursue my new intrests, since I have no job in the first place!

So, without further ado....  I'm moving to KOREA.  (yes, South. I'm  not completely  crazy and I really don't think Kim Jong Il would let me in his country anyway!)  I'll be teaching English to cute little Korean kids.

And I'm moving soon.  About 3 weeks to be exact.The embassy called me Wednesday and by Thursday they had Fed-ex'd my contract to me.  I've been accepted into a program through the Korean government to teach in public schools.   I'm not sure of the specific village/town/city yet but I do know the Province  "Gyeongbuk-do"   It's a pretty big province so I could be anywhere on the the East Coast to center of So.Ko.  (towards the Japan side).  It's all kind of relative though, Korea is only the size of Tennessee.

Needless to say, my family is kinda irked.  But they aren't exactly shocked either.   I have to be in Seoul by Feb. 19th.  It's a 24 hour flight so I might be leaving on the 18th or 17th.   I have a week or so of orientation then I'll be sent to my village/town/city. 

I'm kind of freaking out.  Which is an odd feeling for me, since I usually have no problem jumping into things head first.  I think my jaded heart is scared because of what happened last time.   I've never fully recovered from the heartbreak of coming back from Mali, I'm just terrified of what will happen to my heart if it happens again... but I have to stop thinking of that.  That will just drive me nuts.  It's time I shake it off and just go with an open heart and open mind and hope for the best.  

I'm sorry for breaking the news to most of you this way.  I've been really guarded with this secret.  I didn't want to say much until I was certain I would go... I'm certain now.  Unfortunately, I didn't realize I'd be leaving so soon.  And again, I'm trying to avoid a big scene like last time.  I want to just pack my bags and be gone.  I won't do that, but it's tempting.

It's a disease...

There is serious disease out there and it seems as though I'm the latest victim of this little known of affliction.  

Wanderlust.  

Simply put, wanderlust is a strong, innate desire to rove or an ache to travel about.

It's symptoms are similar to a drug addiction, once you've experienced Wanderlust, you can't get enough.  No matter how brief, cheap or small your latest hit was, now that the taste is back on your palette, you must get another fix.  You search for a way to get it.  You fantasize about it, yearn for it, uproot your life for the chance to experience it just one more time.  

Trying to kick your addiction and join the "real world" is almost too much to bear.  The thought of never getting another taste, the realization that all your experiences could now just be part of your past.  

The past tense is one of the scariest realities for a Wanderlust sufferer.  Wanderers spend their lives in the future;  dreaming of the places they going to go, the people that they will meet, the things they may someday experience. 

My lust is too strong.  I have to find a way to wander again.  

Hmmmm...

So, I was just rereading some old posts.  I read the first one I posted on this blog.  It was just about 2 years ago when I came back from Mali.  The first part of that post is as follows:

• No apartment
• No job
• No car
• No plan

Well now, it seems I find myself in a similar situation, only with a few amendments:

• Yes apartment ( rent $)
• No job ( no $)
• Yes car ( insurance $, gas $$$)
• No plan

This seems to be a cyclical situation I keep getting myself into.   Part of me is a little worried about it, but obviously, not that worried or I would have tried to get a new job by now.  My last day of work was May 1st.  

There is a little voice that I keep hearing (which could be part of a much bigger problem!  haha) that keeps saying, "Just hold out a little longer... be patient and a solution will present itself."  So for now.  I'm just waiting.  We'll see how much longer that can last!  

That time of year again...

Another year comes...

... another year goes... 

...and a cupcake goes up in flames! 

27 and 1 to grow on!

Good timing? Good Luck?

Glad I quit my job on a whim and ran off to Dubai!!!

I found out today that THIS happened the day I left for Dubai.  

This was the parking deck at my firm.  I parked in that exact area on the second floor... every single day!  

That was lucky!

This is an apology to the ladies

I am not a romantic.  Not even close.  I never will be.  I officially realized this when I went to see Sex and the City this past weekend. 

I liked the movie.  Just not in the same way as everyone around me.  When the movie was over, it seemed like everyone was wiping the tears from their eyes, including the people I came to see the movie with.  I could hear women talking as we left the theater, about how many times they cried.  Not only could I not figure out what parts of the movie were tear worthy, I didn't find any part of the movie the least bit sad.  It was romantic.  And it makes me cringe. 

Anytime a  bunch of girls are watching Sex and the City there is inevitable talk of 'Which character are you?'  We've all gotten the junk emails and quizzes posing this same question.

There are two answers to that question: either Carrie, the quirky romantic, or Charlotte, the hopeless romantic.  No one ever answers Samantha, cuz let's face it, no one wants to be the whore.  And even less common an answer is Miranda, the frumpy, bitter, anti-relationship, unromantic realist.  I have recently realized, no matter how much I wish I could be a girly girl and want a fairytale ending... I don't.   I'm a Miranda.  

Later this weekend, my  mom and I went and saw another chick flick.  In this one a man gets up and starts to serenade his soon to be bride.  I had to fight the urge to regurgitate my popcorn and try to keep my eyes from rolling into the back of my head as all the other patrons of the movie made a collective, "awwwww" sound.  

The ironic part is that somehow I seem to be a magnet for sappy guys (the most recent one being the only exception)  The poor saps don't know what they're getting themselves into.  They are so proud of themselves when they bust out the poetry or break out their best cliche one-liners, only to have me laugh in their face and stomp all over their little man egos, while I grab the remote and turn on the tv as I chuckle away.

So, I'm sorry to all the ladies out their who are stuck with insensitive assholes.  They were probably genuinely sweet and romantic guys at one time.   Then someone like me got ahold of them and shit all over their romantic little gestures and they were never heard from again.

Oops.

Dixie chick

I've been going through my photo albums looking for pictures of Dixie. I started to get upset when I realized there were no pics of her anywhere. I know there are some photos of us at my moms house, but I really wanted to find some in the scrapbooks I made of high school and college. There were none.

Then, as I started looking through the photos, even though she wasn't in them, almost every picture I looked at had a memory I associated with Dixie. For every prom, cotillion, bridesmaid, and formal photo, several hours were spent with Dixie joking around about boyfriends and prom parties and just goofing off in general. In the pictures from architecture school where I chopped all my hair off, I remember Dix being so excited I wanted to do something different and convincing me to add red highlights, even though they turned out pink.

I met Dixie when I was 13. That was 13 years ago. I grew up with Dixie as a friend. And as weird as it seems, she was always a constant. She never seemed to age. I went from little girl to adult in the past 13 years while Dixie stayed the same in my eyes. She was always young, beautiful, and fun. The same way she'll stay in my mind for eternity.

This past week, as I've been trying to come to terms with Dixie's death and the circumstances surrounding it, I've gotten some sentiments from family and friends that have been consoling...

Even though I've never been religious, my sister's Bible verse gave solace to us both: Psalm 34:18 "The lord is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit"

When talking to Ann Marie, I couldn't understand why someone who had the most caring and giving soul of anyone I've ever known could end her own life. AnnM said that for someone to be able to give so much love, empathy,and compassion to everyone else and have such a huge heart, it was that big heart that could so deeply feel hurt and pain. It was her natural nurturing that made her feel so much sorrow and grief when it wasn't returned to her.

A friend of my mom's said that Dixie died from heart problems. She had a broken heart that never got fixed.

Now there are so many of us that are brokenhearted by the loss of such a beautiful person, inside and out. I just hope that someday Luke and James know what an amazing person their mother truly was.

How Time Can Fly

A year ago today, I woke up happy, in my hut, in Madina, Mali, eager to get to know my new surroundings and begin my new life. By the end of the day, I was sobbing in the back of a Peace Corps vehicle watching my new life disappear.

How quickly things can change.

How quickly a year goes by.

How quickly I forget how it felt to be there, how it smelled, how exciting it was, how exhausting it was, how difficult it was, how easy it was.

How quickly it all ended.

Mmmmm... ribs.

Who knew this was even possible?


So for the past few months, I've been living with one of my upper ribs out of whack. FUN! Who doesn't like a little stabbing chest pain in their day to day life?



As I get older, freakier and freakier things keep happening. When I asked my grandma what was happening to me she replied, "you're getting old!"


Damn!



No one wants to hear that from their grandma!!!

Another year older...

It was a weird birthday. I took some time off after the 4th and went to Wv to visit family and hang out with my parents.

On the morning of my birthday I went to the driving range to hit golf balls with my dad. It was a perfect day... bright and sunny, no clouds, 75 degrees and a slight breeze in the air.

My dad points to the 13th hole of the golf course and says, " you see that pond next to the green?"

"Yeah," I replied.

"I want you to spread half my ashed in that pond when I die," he said.

"Uhhhhhhhh... alright" was about all I could come up with.

After we got back to the cabin some of my mom's friends came up to visit. We spent the afternoon sitting on the mountain-side at the ski resort listening to the symphony. While we were killing time waiting for the symphony to start, my dad pulls me aside and points to one of the ski slopes.

"Do you know what slope that is up here?" he asks.

"Uh, I think so... is it the Meadows?" I answered.

"Yep... Do you see that little cluster of 3 trees at the top of it?" he said.

"Uh huh..."

"I want you to spread the other half of my ashes in between those 3 trees when I'm dead." he said.

What a weird thing to keep bringing up! At least that will be a memory that sticks with me for a while.

So, Britne... what did you do on your 26th b-day? Go out with friends? Get crazy?

Nope I sat on a mountain-side, listening to a symphony play the Indiana Jones theme song, while my dad showed me all the places he wants his ashes spread! Weird!

On an altogether different note: I've been a smitten kitten lately.

For about 2.5 months now I've been skipping around my office (and everywhere else) like a little schoolgirl... or like a damn fool, which ever you prefer.

It came to my attention the other day that in the past 2.5 months, I haven't really listened to my ipod at all during work. I use it to distract me while I'm working and I guess I've been distracted enough to not realize I wasn't listening to anything.

The other day, I decided to pull the ipod out of my purse and get some work done. I put it on the "Most frequently played" playlist. As it played all the songs I listened to the most this past winter I realized something... I was in a very dark place this winter.

That came as no surprise. I knew I was in a pretty bad funk/ depression this past year. What came as the surprise is that I'm not anymore! I didn't feel all those dreary feelings while listening to my ipod.

This spring and summer have been great so far... thanks in so small part to the new fella! So thanks, Fella... you've brightened up my year!

So, so far 26 started out weird... but I'm weird... I like weird... weird is good... I'm looking forward to more weirdness!!!