I Think I'm Turning Japanese!

For New Years I needed, well, something New. Korea is no longer foreign. It's home. I needed to feel the unfamiliar again.

So I took a quick trip to Japan.

I was supposed to be at work. All the Koreans were on vacation but us dirty foreigners are required to sit at school and look busy all day. They were nice enough to send someone everyday to have me sign an attendance sheet. So, other than a few random administrative people, my school was a ghost town.

So I had to choose. Stay at school and get paid to take a nap OR turn off my cell phone, don't show up at all, hop a ferry to Japan for a long weekend and get thoroughly bitched out and have my pay docked when I got back. Hmmm, follow the rules or go on a little adventure. I choose (and always will) the latter!


So three friends and I set sail for Japan! Having heard rumors of how expensive Japan can be, we decided to not travel far and stay relatively close to Korea. So we arrived in Fukoka and ventured off to Hiroshima.





It was amazing how totally and utterly lost I was in Japan. In Korea, even though I have no idea what is happening around me, I can't speak and hardly understand the language, it's a familiar inability to communicate. In Japan, it was starting over. All the little things were complicated again, like not knowing what a taxi is called or what hand gesture you use to hail one.... and none of us knew which side of the car to get in... never thought about the Japanese driving on the left!!

I only know a few words in Japanese: kon'nichiwa (hello) and domo arigato (thank you very much). The latter of which I could neither hear nor say without immediately making little robot arms and mumbling "... Mr. Roboto" under my breath!! It was definitely instant culture shock when we got to Japan... and it was fantastic!!

Hiroshima is a beautiful city, almost poetically so. It was such a (literal) breath of fresh air to be in such a clean, modern city, with wide roads and nice buildings... then you'd remember why Hiroshima is so new and the horror and atrocities responsible for it's new young appearance made your heart ache. You (as an American) almost felt compelled to walk around an apologize to everyone you saw.


Most places were closed on New Years so we spent New Years Day bonding. And how else do you bond with your friends other than strip down naked in public and spend several hours outside in the frigid weather, lounging in hot springs. None of us are particularly modest girls... but there was that first awkward moment when standing in the locker room in your underwear where you decide to count to 3 and everyone strips together and everyone just hurry up and look so we don't have to feel weird anymore. Though, you quickly forget you (and the hundred other women) are naked and we just had a blast at the bath house!!

We then ventured down to Miyajima which was by far the best part of the trip. I wish we had known what an amazing little island it was so we could have spent more time there. Miyajima is famous for it's Torri Gate especially during high tide when it appears to be floating on water. Of course, it was low tide when we were there. Though it was actually really incredible to be able to walk up to the gate (if you are willing to get muddy and seaweedy).

Then there was the food!!! Oh, Japan! How happy you made my taste buds! I had forgotten how delicious food could taste! It was amazing! Unlike my current culinary conundrum, there is more than one flavor in Japan.... there were thousands! Every meal made me giddy with delight!

It didn't take long to get on an "I hate Korea" kick. I loved everything about Japan! The food, the cleanliness and order, the sleeping arrangements (both countries sleep on the floor, but Koreans sleep on a flat blanket and the Japanese lay out a futon and a duvet!), the people (the Japanese were so cool! Overall Koreans are pretty vanilla. Everyone has the same haircut, their natural color or dyed a slightly brownish color, clothes are frumpy and dull, and self expression is non-existent. The Japanese are awesome. Everyone has crazy dyed hair, punk clothes, and a personal style that is solely Japanese. It's far more fashion forward and self expressive than anything I've seen in the States.) I loved everything about Japan.

I was around Architecture again! Oh creativity and expression... I've missed you! Every building was unique and definitively Japanese, both old and new. Modern Japanese architecture is personally my favorite aesthetic. Korean architecture is, well honestly, non-existent. They have lots and lots of temples, but they are all the same. If you've seen one, you've pretty much seen them all. Modern architecture in Korea consists of condo buildings... Always rectangular, always windows on one side only, always painted tan or off-white... now repeat 10 million times!

We finished our trip with a quick late night visit to Hiroshima Castle then a train ride back to Fukoka to catch our ferry.

My Korea hating quickly went away while buying the train ticket. A one hour train ride on the bullet train costs roughly $100. For that much money, you can take Korea's high speed train from the northern to southern tip of the country... TWICE and still have enough money left over for lunch and a cab ride back to your apartment! They weren't kidding when they said Japan was expensive! Sheesh! Now I remember why I picked Korea in the first place... because it's cheaper than Japan!

We got to Fukoka at midnight and had 7 hours to kill before our ferry back to Korea. We wandered the streets for a solid 3 hours, found a 24 place to eat and loitered there for a good 2 and a half and finally decided to just go to the ferry terminal. Too bad it was still closed and in an isolated part of town. Nothing tops off a great vacation like napping in sub-freezing temperatures, like a homeless person, in front of a public building.

And my school never did notice I didn't show up to work, so I got paid to go to Japan!!

We Represent...

So, there are two little boys in one of my fourth grade classes that I've affectionately nicknamed, "the lollipop guild" though no real resemblance to the Wizard of Oz characters.

They get their nickname from their overall appearance. They look like two little lollipops. Enormous heads, plus a bushel of thick back hair, on little bodies that are no more than 1/2 the width of those domes of theirs. And they are both about a foot shorter than any other student in class.

If that was it I would just call them lollipops. But they come as a team, hence the guild. They are attached at the hip. Always together. Actually, a little too together. Always sitting on each others laps, giving each other back rubs, they sit next to each other and usually have their arms around each other as they work, and sometimes they are practically dry humping each other.

Seeing these two boys interact each week has made me aware of and intensely frustrated by part of my American heritage and culture that apparently has been ingrained into my psyche:

I immediately think these boys are gay.

But, they don't have "gay" here in Korea.

I remember the Iranian president, Ahmadinejad, once saying they don't have gay people in Iran. I remember thinking, "what a jackass". Well Korea is also one of those "there are no gay people here" countries. At first I was immensely annoyed by the blatant disregard and omittance of gay individuals here. Though, now, my feelings toward their head-in-the-sand approach to homosexuality has changed somewhat.

When I was teaching at an all boys middle school I very quickly noticed, on the very first day, that the boys were incredibly affectionate with each other. Though, they were also constantly punching, kicking, tackling each other, I'd also see them resting their heads on a friends shoulder if they were tired, arms wrapped around each other to brace themselves on the bus, and rubbing a friends shoulders after judo class. It didn't take long to realize that even though this "no gays in Korea" mentality has a plethora of negative consequences, there was one very good outcome: No homophobia. None.

In America, we make concrete gender lines from birth. Actually, we make them pre-natal. You are born as a pink or a blue. Little boys wear blue clothes and play with trucks and guns. If a boy puts on something pink, or god forbid, picks up a doll, he is immediately stamped as "gay". Fathers try their damnedest to prevent anyone from thinking their boy might grow up to be gay and will try to make them Über masculine. "Boys don't cry" "don't be a sissy" "Shake it off" etc is pummeled into little boy brains.  Toddlers that can barely string together a cohesive sentence know what is culturally acceptable based on their gender. Go to a 3 year-old's birthday party and give out pink and blue party favors, if the only favor left is a pink one, do you think that little boy isn't going to break down in tears???

I'm about as for gay rights as they come. I don't care what your sexuality is and honestly I don't want to hear about your sex life no matter what your preference, whether you're gay, straight, bi, transsexual, a-sexual, or into extra-terrestrials. I don't care.

Now that I've been here 9 months I think back to when I got here and how I thought Korea really needed to reevaluate it's attitude towards homosexuality. Now I'm starting to think that it's me, and my entire American culture, who needs to reevaluate the thinking process behind what is actually normal affectionate human interaction...  though, seriously kid, stop dry humping your friend's leg!

Time For A Change

Things that I do now, that I never did before Korea:

• squeegee the floor after every shower
• roll up my pants before going into a bathroom
• duck when turning on a bathroom sink
• only eat the inside of grapes and leave behind little purple grape carcases
• contemplate my options at toilet paper vending machines
• hear the difference between "Hyundai" and "Haeundae"
• refer to kimchi as "pretty good"
• drink aloe juice, and like it.
• use words like "pagey" "changey" and "lunchy"
• get annoyed if I have to pay more than 2200 won ($2.20) for a taxi
• consider "hello kitty" socks + flip flops acceptable business footwear
• Push when I want to Pull, Pull when I would Push, Lift when I want to Lower, Twist when I would Close... every instinct is opposite here!
• Alpha-numeric Sudoku. I've become a sudoku wizard! 9x9 puzzles with just numbers no longer cut it. I've moved on to 16x16 with letters and numbers. It's definitely a challenge. They should keep me busy for the next month or so... after that, no idea how I'll entertain myself at work.

so many options... what to choose, what to choose?

Over The Hill

Just this week I hit my 6 month mark here.

On this wild little journey I call Korea, I'm standing at the apex of the hill. Half the journey ahead of me, half of it already behind.

The first 6 months were tough. Getting up the hill is always harder than going down.

Now I have friends, now I know my co-teachers, I know how to get around without having to think about it, my taste buds have finally been singed to the point where I don't break a sweat with every bite of kimchi!!

It's going too fast!!!

I want it all to slow down! I realized when I was back in America just how much I am going to miss this wacky little land. Now I'm starting to get sentimental at the little things and all the things I'll never see again.

I'll never see Buddha's birthday again, or the cherry blossoms, or the yellow dust, or strawberries, the grapes will be gone soon too, and Oh god... summer is almost over, there will never been a green Korea for me again!!!

And I'm definitely not ready to start saying goodbye to people in 6 months! I'm just starting to get to know them all.... and to rub salt in my wounds, today was my first day back at middle school. They informed me that schedules had changed and I won't be coming back to them anymore. I'll just stay all week at my elementary school.

I literally had to fight back tears! That school keeps me sane!! I can't stand having to say goodbye to these kids, they make me so happy. I'm going to miss my boys. They light up my days and we have so much fun. I had finally figured out my rhythm and had so many fun things planned. I was going to be a much better teacher this semester. Now it ended before it began.

I had freedom at this school. Just me and my boys, no co-teachers. No curriculum. No books. Just whatever I threw at them. My elementary school is the polar opposite. Strict curriculum, always going word for word by the book, constantly being scrutinized by co-teachers in class who sometimes let me do little more than be a human tape recorder.

This sucks!!!

Eh, you know the saying: When life hands you lemons... get out the friggin' salt and tequila, it's time for some shots!!!

Uhg, on second thought, after last weekends buckets-o-tequila.... I think I'm done for a while.

Koreanized: If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em!

Today I was proud of myself.

At lunch, I managed to bone and skin a piece of fish, using chopsticks - with one hand! Even Koreans sometimes use two hands when trying to eat fish (one chopstick in each hand pulling the meat from the bones.) Even more impressive was the perfect little fish skeleton that was left on my tray.

I wish I had brought my camera to lunch.

Last week I had dinner with some Korean teachers from another school and the Head of the Yeongcheon Education Office.

The head guy, Mr. Hwang, looks across the tiny little table we are sitting at and says, "Buck-lew, you have become Koreanized." Mr. Hwang is the only person in Korea who knows my last name, let alone calls me by it.

The reason I have become "Koreanized" to 

Mr. Hwang is because while loading up my lettuce wrap with barbecued pork, he saw me throw in a few CLOVES of garlic. Koreans eat garlic like it's a vegetable that stands alone, not like it's a spice like the way we westerners use it. I love garlic, the only thing that prevents me from eating more of it at home is that it makes you smell like garlic.

Everyone here smells like garlic... so screw it! Bring on the funk!

Shop Till You Drop-Kick Someone!

I hate shopping in Korea.

That's not such a bad thing though.  It has kept me from spending very much money.  

Korea must have a very low unemployment rate... when you are in a store, every rack of clothes has a sales associate waiting for you.  

Even in the US, I'm the kind person who likes to be left alone when I'm shopping.  I appreciate when they ask if I need anything, but once I've said no thanks it drives me nuts when they hover.  So being in a store, where every 5 feet another person is standing over my shoulder as I browse, drives me crazy.  If you look at something longer than just a fleeting glance, they will yank it off the rack and present it to you in a very, The Price is Right, kind of spokesmodel way. 

I hate it.

What's even more annoying is when I do find something I like.  I take my potential purchase to the fitting room lady, and then this is always the next scenario:

Lady looks at me,

Lady looks at the dress,

Lady looks at me, 

Lady looks at the dress,

Lady looks at me,

Lady flips the dress inside out searching for the tags...

Uhhhg.  So frustrating and such a blow to your ego!    I'm always thinking, "I know I'm twice the size of the emaciated little people that usually shop here, but I swear that dress is the right size!"  Luckily, I've yet to be proven wrong.  The clothes always fit and it does make me feel good that I can actually fit into these itty bitty Korean sizes.

But I hate shopping here!

Bleh, Bleh, double Bleh!

The following is a venting session...

I dread when people offer me food. They think they are being so nice, and actually they are, sharing their food with me.

Unfortunately... most of their food repulses me. I don't want it. I don't even want to look at it. I really don't want to be where I can even smell it and I certainly don't want my taste buds anywhere near it!

Then everyone I walk by at work has to be so generous and insist I have a piece of octopus, or neon green sticky rice ball, or god knows what else.

***Case in point, just as I'm sitting here typing this, my coworker walks up and hands me a little glass bottle. He hands it to me and says, "This is a Korean drink. It tastes a little terrible but it's good for health." He was right (at least on one point) It was terrible. Tastes a little like drinking Worcestershire sauce. ***

The "good for health" thing is starting to annoy me. It's sort of a Korean cop out. Any Korean custom that is unpleasant is immediately explained as being "good for health". I'm calling BS on most of them. I'm sure some have to be good for you. But, for example, sleeping on the floor is said to be good for women's health. How?

Koreans traditionally sleep on the floor but it's not uncommon for them to have beds. However, they make the mattresses reminiscent of sleeping on the floor.... so hard as a rock. This is not good for my health. Soft bed, hard bed... I don't see how any one is more or less good for you if it's not your preference. Personally sleeping on, what feels like, an ironing board makes it difficult for me to sleep. I wake up constantly. So essentially, for a month now, I haven't slept. That is NOT good for my health!! I'm exhausted! My coworkers tell me I look tired all the time. It's because, damnit, I AM!!!

Oh, but that's neither here nor there. This is supposed to be a food based bitch session.

Korean food can have it's pleasant moments. I've been to some good traditional restaurants. But most of the food I'm eating is public school cafeteria food. The first few weeks I had no problem and actually looked forward to lunch. I liked trying everything. But then just as I hit the one month mark something dawned on me... I'm not trying stuff anymore, now I just have to eat this stuff for my meals... everyday.

I'm not a big seafood fan. For two reasons... taste and texture. So choking down octopus tentacles (suction cups and all) and fire hot squid everyday sorta takes the joy out of lunch. Not to mention I'm trying to maneuver these tasty treats into my mouth with stainless steel chopsticks all while wearing a white collared shirt! Tricky!

Though, I have been complimented many times on my master chopstick abilities! (Thanks Mrs. Spence!) Some of my coworkers get teased that I work the chopsticks better than they do. Though I think the lack of chopstick skills is a western stereotype here in Korea... they are shocked that any foreigner can use them. I don't see why it's so shocking. There is at least one Chinese food place in every strip mall in America, how is there anyone left that doesn't know how to use them?

But I just don't get Korean food in this century. I get why it is this way from a historical standpoint. Until about 50 years ago (post Korean war) Korea was in the 3rd world. You ate what you had. So okay, I get why you started to ferment cabbage in vinegar and slathering it in hot pepper paste... because you had to. I get why you ate so many anchovies and pickled eggs and octopus and what have you. But now Korea has a huge global economy. They are far technologically superior to the US. Koreans are into gadgets and high fashion. Money is abundant. So why the hell can't you update the menu? Just a little.

Though my bitching is in vain. There are plenty of pizza and fried chicken joints in SoKo. They are everywhere. So I guess I can suck it up and choke down a traditional lunch and grease it up for dinner.... though that brings me to another thought. If you want to make a fortune, start pushing diet pills/ exercise gimmicks in SoKo. South Koreans are obsessed with their weight. Korean women are starting to suffer the same rates of eating disorders as the US. But after my first week of school I wondered why, in a country where I have yet to see a fat adult, are there so many chubby little kids?

It's because I am witnessing the first generation of Korean kids brought up on junk food. They love pizza and corn dogs and spaghetti and potato chips. So for you entrepreneurs out there.... give it 10-15 years when these chubby kids are chubby adults and sell them ab lounges. You will make a fortune!

I myself need to start looking into an ab lounge or something. I keep wanting to go run but it's either too damn frigid outside or there is such a thick layer of shit in the air that I feel it will do me more damage than good to run in it. I was losing a little bit of weight until the "Great chicken debacle" of March '09.

Ah, what is that you say? That was the first day I caved in and went to get greasy food. I went to one of the many fried chicken places. I walked in and pointed to the chicken and held up two fingers. The man behind the counter nodded. The pieces looked pretty small so I shook my head "no" and then held up 3 fingers. Again, he nodded. I pointed to the calculator on the counter and he typed in a price. 2500W (or about $2.50) I thought that was inexpensive but about right. Food is cheap here. A few minutes later he gestures to me that it's ready. He hands me 3 BOXES of chicken. Each with 6 or 7 pieces in it. Crap!!! Then I realize he left out a zero on the calculator. He meant 25000W ($25) Crap Crap Crap!!! Now I not only am going to bust out of my pants, but I busted my budget too! Oh well. That was weeks ago... I still have chicken in the freezer that I'm trying to get through.

That's one lesson learned. Chicken is sold by the box, not by the piece. Got it!

(The image above is from my first dinner with coworkers. Young-jin prefers to draw pictures when she can't think of a translation (which I appreciate) I believe this image is the international symbol for squid!)