Look At That Dome!!

Okay, I'll admit it. Today I was just being lazy. 

I didn't want to get up this morning so I just rolled out of bed, threw my hair in a ponytail, picked my jeans up off the floor, grabbed a carrot for lunch (yeah, sad huh?) and ran right out the door.

So I was sitting around my office, chatting with a few ladies, eating apples with toothpicks... like ya do... and in their conversation I heard one of them mutter "Buh-rit-tuh-ne... blah blah blah".

I look up from my apple-on-a-stick and give them the "I know you are talking about me, so spill it..." look.

They giggle for a second and say, "You changey your hair. It is very beautiful today."

I was perplexed by this statement because all I could think was... you mean this greasy mess I call a ponytail?... and as that thought was crossing my mind, one of the women says, "Your brain shape changey."

Hmmmm.  Interesting.  Very possibly true.  I mean, your brain is a muscle right? Mine  has been getting a lot of exercise lately from constant Sudoku puzzles. And when I exercise my ass muscles, my ass shape definitely changes.... so maybe this applies to my brain too!!

Damn, I have the tightest brain in Yeongcheon!

"Wouldn't It Be Loverly"

Before moving to Korea, I had only seen one Audrey Hepburn movie.

When I moved to Charlotte I didn't have TV and I only owned 3 or 4 dvds, so I'd walk to the library and check out their classic movies and "Roman Holiday" happened to be in their selection.

But thanks to Korea's Donga Network and someone's obsession with Audrey Hepburn in the late night programming department, I have now seen the following:

"Roman Holiday"
"Funny Face"
"Sabrina"
"Breakfast at Tiffany's"
"My Fair Lady"

There seems to be a recurrent theme in most of these movies. She starts off with long hair and at some point cuts her long trusses and becomes beautiful and adored by all. It really says something about how strikingly beautiful you are when a pixie haircut enhances your looks!

Unfortunately, I find most of the characters she plays in these movies obnoxious and annoying however, I'm absolutely enamoured with Audrey Hepburn herself. I guess that speaks volumes about how adorably likeable she was and why she remains one of the most popular actresses of all time.

Though I must say, I really love "Roman Holiday" and "Sabrina".....

and I'm sure will see them 50 more times before I leave Korea.

Time For A Change

Things that I do now, that I never did before Korea:

• squeegee the floor after every shower
• roll up my pants before going into a bathroom
• duck when turning on a bathroom sink
• only eat the inside of grapes and leave behind little purple grape carcases
• contemplate my options at toilet paper vending machines
• hear the difference between "Hyundai" and "Haeundae"
• refer to kimchi as "pretty good"
• drink aloe juice, and like it.
• use words like "pagey" "changey" and "lunchy"
• get annoyed if I have to pay more than 2200 won ($2.20) for a taxi
• consider "hello kitty" socks + flip flops acceptable business footwear
• Push when I want to Pull, Pull when I would Push, Lift when I want to Lower, Twist when I would Close... every instinct is opposite here!
• Alpha-numeric Sudoku. I've become a sudoku wizard! 9x9 puzzles with just numbers no longer cut it. I've moved on to 16x16 with letters and numbers. It's definitely a challenge. They should keep me busy for the next month or so... after that, no idea how I'll entertain myself at work.

so many options... what to choose, what to choose?

You Snooze, You Lose!

My two adorable co-teachers Young-jin (Anne) and Dong-uk (Will)...

Anne was exausted and having a hard time staying awake. She asked Will for help

They decided to play Kai, Bai, Boe (Korean version of rock, paper, scissors) except, the loser of each game gets whacked in the head with the big plastic mallet!

It's actually a pretty effective method for waking someone up!

... and what an awesome shirt you have there, Will! Who could have possibly given you such a great shirt???

Vacations: Some Are More Fun Than Others

In one of my 6th grade classrooms the kids have painted pictures of :

"What did you do on your summer vacation?"

I wasn't there when these were painted so I can't be 100% sure as to what the images are, but I can make some pretty good guesses: I went to the beach, I picked apples, I chased dragonflies, etc.

Except for the one on the top row, second from the right...

..."I was caught crossing the border to the North, thrown into a POW camp and forced to do hard labor" ????

Hmmm... had no idea Lara Ling and Euna Lee were in my 6th grade class!

2 Reasons Why I Love Swine Flu

Soap and paper towels!!!

It just so happens that Koreans are paranoid, actually, downright petrified of H1N1. So much so that they've even gone so far as to, dare I say it, install soap and paper towels in the bathrooms!!!

I have been here 7 months now. Last month the soap and paper towels showed up in my school. I've kept soap and hand sanitizer at my desk for months but have managed to stay constantly sick while living here. All of a sudden, I've gone an entire month without a cold!! And the only thing that changed, is they taught the kids (and co-teachers) to wash their hands!

so I ask you this...
Swine flu and Britne's health: Coincidence or divine intervention?

It's Bedtime

Got ready for bed, did a little painting to wind myself down, caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I walked by...

"WTF?!?!" I thought.

Ahhhh... totally forgot I painted that on when I was talking to my mom on skype!  

Hmmm, hope that comes off easily.  Probably should have thought about that before giving myself the mustache.   

Now, where's my red wig... ?

Only In Korea...

do students, when playing an alphabet game dealing with animal names,  come up with "dinosaur" and "ox" when we get to the letters "D" and "O"...

But when the category changes to food and the letters "D" and "O" come up again, they all start screaming, "DOG"  and  "OCTOPUS!!!"

Bleh!

I Got Lucky...

There is this one little girl in one of my 4th grade classes that comes up to me every single week and badgers me with questions in Korean.  She eventually gets frustrated at my lack of understanding and wanders off.  So last week she came up to me and asked the following question in Korean:

Her: 한국말 하실 줄 아세요?  (hangukmal hasil jul aseyo?) Do you speak Korean?

Me:  No.

She gives up after this first question, gives a big huff as she shrugs her shoulders and begins to turn to walk away.   Mid turn she stops, swings her body back toward me with her mouth hanging open.  "Teacher!!" she squealed with a kind of WTF look on her face.  

Busted.

She obviously caught me in a little bit of a lie.  I couldn't really answer no to that question if it wasn't at least a little bit of bluff.  

She grabbed a friend of hers and told her that I understood Korean.  She then holds up one finger and tells me, in Korean, to count in Korean.  So I begin...

Il, Ee, Sahm, Sa, Oh...

They started jumping up and down and squealing (in Korean) "She speaks Korean!!"   I gave them a smirky little grin and walked away...

... "Whew," I thought, "that was lucky.  I only know how to say 'I do/ don't speak Korean and my numbers!!  Glad she didn't pick up a pencil and say, 'What's this'!!!"  

Show Some Love For Lovena

Things that won't be the same now that my grandma is gone:

• Christmases or any gift giving occasion. Lovena had a knack for finding the most utterly pointless, and ridiculously hilarious presents. Ex: Cool Whip spatula, blush applicator with pump (shot makeup at your face!), pregnant barbie doll (just what every 10 year old wants!... glad mom made me keep that one!)
• Car Dealerships. They loved her. Every year grandma wanted a new car. She always wanted them bigger and faster than the previous one. But not too big. In 2000 she walked into a dealership looking for a new grandma-ish car and walked out with an Oldsmobile Allero, complete with upgraded sports package with rims, spoiler, and sunroof. When I went to see her 3 weeks ago she wanted to trade in her current Toyota Yaris. She thought it made her look fat!!! Seriously, because the car slopes down towards the front, she assumed people would think it was her that was weighing it down! Haha!!
• Infomercials. Let's face it, we've all been up at 4am and thought, "ya know, I could use a new mop that changes light bulbs and can even julienne fries!" But Lovena never thought it, she always bought it!! And if you were lucky and her purchase came with a "buy now and get the 2nd one free!" ... you were definitely getting it for your birthday! ... and I still use the swivel sweeper! (when I'm in the US)
• Cardboard boxes. Not only excellent for sending things, moving your stuff or a toy for toddlers... these useful little contraptions were perfect for blocking out sunlight and keeping those pesky neighbors from seeing in!! Just add clothespin and voila!
• Yardwork. Many hours picking up apples in the backyard and even walking down the street and trimming the neighbors hedges! (in all fairness, they were blocking her view of the intersection!)

She had her own quirky way of doing things.... and it's all those little quirks that will sorely be missed.  

No Method To My Madness

I don't get me.

I am not a neat-freak. No doubt about that. I've been home over 2 weeks and have yet to unpack my bags. I've just been digging through an open suitcase tossing items left and right until I find what I'm looking for.

When I get home in the evenings, everything just gets dropped at the door. My shoes, my purse, my pants usually get thrown against some distant wall, I've even forgotten the groceries at the door many times. Or, if I'm in an especially tidy mood, I'll just put the entire bag of groceries in the fridge. Bread, milk, canned goods... whatever. I'll deal with it later.

I just keep kicking things to the side to make a little path for me to walk. Though, now I'm out of room and my crap is impeding the flow of traffic on my path. Translation: I keep tripping over my own crap!

Today was my first day back at my elementary school. No classes to teach just yet. Today we just cleaned our office and classroom. After we were finished sweeping, dusting, etc my co-teachers went back to our office to pretend to be busy. I stayed in the classroom obsessively straightening the desks and chairs. Because, God forbid, things not be in a perfect line or at 90 degree angles!!

And I'm always like that. Everyday, every class. My kids still stare at me with a blank stare every morning when I ask, "How are you today?" But they definitely know what I'm saying when I point to them and say, "push in your chair." After class I walk around making sure all the chairs are pushed in equally. No one chair can be sticking out more than the others.

I never lose my keys. Ever. There is a specific place that they live and they never leave it. I can do nothing before my keys are in their designated spot. But my phone, wallet, purse, hell... even my pants, not telling where they are at any given moment.

I recently lost my pants. My pants!!! How in gods name, when you only have 3 pair to begin with, do you lose a pair of pants in a 600 square foot apartment? I tore the place apart looking for them. Only to find them folded in the closet. What little gnome snuck in and folded my pants?

I routinely find the remote in the fridge, makeup in the microwave, and Anastasia gave me crap about an empty pizza box I was too lazy to take down to the trash so I threw it in the fridge... where it lived for the next 5 months!

So how... how on earth can I be on both extremes of the tidiness spectrum? Being on one I can see, but both?

No wonder I don't bother with dating. Why waste time looking for someone who "gets you" when you yourself don't "get you." I've been living in this little head of mine for 28 years, and the stuff going on up there gets more ridiculous by the day!!!

Well, it's 4:30, time for me to leave school and head home.

Now, where the hell did I put my purse? ...